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Mom returned from short hospital stay and a 2 week rehab stay to her home last week, against advice to move her directly to assisted memory care. Dementia is bad, but wanted to see how things went. After home visit today I am told it's time to move her. It's no longer safe, she crawls (won't walk) and doesnt take meds. I am her daughter and only out for her money and home... Anyone experience this. How did you handle?

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Are you being facetious that you are 'her daughter and only out for her money & home'? If this is your sibling giving you a hard time, is he willing to take mom into his home and care for her in THIS state of dementia & poor health?? I seriously doubt it, and I also seriously doubt he has the experience required to do such a thing.

You've written other posts where we left you comments explaining how we went about getting our mom's into Memory Care AL. Find a Memory Care AL for her, get her room set up like her bedroom is at home (BEFORE you bring her over), and then either drive her there yourself or hire a medical transport van to drive her to the facility where you're waiting to help her get set up. Are you in town to do this yourself?

I'm not sure exactly what your question is, and what you'd like advice with? Here is a link to 50 Tips on Transitioning a Loved One Into Memory Care AL:

https://www.seniorlink.com/blog/50-tips-on-transitioning-a-loved-one-to-memory-dementia-or-alzheimers-careyour-blog-post-title-here

If your mom is crawling, won't walk or take her meds, etc., it's past time she's placed in MC so she can be cared for 24/7, as my mom was. Who's going to sell her home and get all that underway, if she needs the money to finance her stay in Memory Care? Who has POA for her? That person is the one to arrange for her placement which would have been easier had it been done directly from rehab, unfortunately.

Wishing you the best of luck getting mom set up in Memory Care asap.
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Thank you lealonnie1, yes those are mom's words for me as her daughter that I am only out for her money. I have both medical and financial POA and will be selling her home and choosing memory care location over the next weeks. My brother relies on me to make the decisions which has been overwhelming. I will arrange for transport to take her from home to new location as she will not let me near her even after all I have been doing to try and make her comfortable and with the dementia I now have a better understanding that won't happen. Yes I was advised to move her directly from rehab to memory care but my heart got in the way of making that decision. Thank you again.
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lealonnie1 Jan 2023
Oh no...........I hate dementia and all the foul things our mothers say/have said to us. My heart hurts for you having to deal with all of this AND hear the BS on top of it. I went thru it with my mother too & she said some of THE most horrible things to me, it was terrible. I tried to remember it was the disease speaking & not HER. As jkm mentioned, your mom is already gone to the disease process, sadly. Remember her as she WAS, not as she is now. Hugs.
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You need to realize that your mother is already gone, she was taken over by dementia. Now you are responsible for the care of the person left behind. Make the arrangements, get her moved, do the work, and realize that no one will thank you (especially her). It's sort of like a part-time (or full-time job) that you really don't like but have to do. Have you found a place for her? My advice is to make it convenient for you because you will still be going to visit and to handle things. Move her in without delay and then work on getting her house cleaned out and sold. Once all that is done you'll settle into a new rhythm. Hopefully the memory care arrangement is sufficient for her for the long term so that they can take over all the day to day care and you can just do visits and phone calls if she still uses the phone.
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RM11446 Jan 2023
Thank you jkm999 for your encouragement. Unfortunately our relationship was never good and my guilt over all those years lost has affected my decisions but that will now change to get this done.
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This is an example of why we should believe it when advised that our loved one needs advanced care. I hope you find a good memory care facility soon. Good luck.
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RM11446 Jan 2023
Thank you Fawnby
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Your post asked “Anyone experience this. How did you handle?”. The best answer is usually “grit your teeth and do the right thing”.
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RM11446 Jan 2023
Thank you Margaret you are absolutely right
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Starting down that road myself now. I’m so sorry your going through this.
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RM11446 Jan 2023
Thank you Ewynne, I am also sorry to hear this. I spent the day yesterday touring facilities and actually found one that I plan to use. I also received an updated assessment from her primary caregiver reinforcing diagnosis she is in advanced Azheimers and must now receive 24/7 care out of her home. The costs to place her are staggering but if you research (highly recommend CarePatrol service) and are able to fund it, there are caring somewhat affordable communities. One step forward into a difficult journey ahead. My prayers go out to you, this forum is a great resource with alot of knowledgeable folks with good insight from their own experiences.
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UPDATE: Using a resource referred by moms primary healthcare provider, I have located a caring community within budget. Starting with AL, however there is MC/rehab on site when required. Received updated assessment that confirms she is in advanced Alzheimers/dementia and due to lack of medication management is at high risk for stroke/heart attack - lack of mobility unsafe in her home and requires 24/7 monitoring and relocation. The plan is to furnish the studio apartment with new purchased items (due to her resistance to leave her home to allow moving her own things) then move her in - will follow up with bringing clothes/personal items from her home. Thank you for the support here it has been a tremendous boost to move me along - will keep you updated. :)
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Daughterof1930 Jan 2023
So glad you’ve found a place and plan, good job! Wishing you both peace in the transition
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I'm so glad that you have found a place for your mother.

I hope that her funds are paying for all of it and that you aren't contributing funds you will need for your own retirement.
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I prefered multi levels for my mom because the physical move is so much easier than hiring movers and all of the other details. Good luck.
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