My family is shattered and taking sides, it is horrible. Assault charges and a dad who is so conflicted! I don't know how we can get thru a funeral? Anyone with suggestions? I have heard separate funeral, visitation, or closed service and even no service...anyone with regrets about those decisions?
I suggested to my parents to go to their chosen funeral home and pre-pay their funeral, it was great, because now all I have to do is call them when the times come.
I am actually thinking, there is no need for me to even go to the funeral.
Why would I need to go?
I am the one who takes care of them 24/7/365 right now, I know them, they know me. THAT is what matters.
The lazy out of town sibs, yeah sure they're going to come in (all expenses paid) and put on their fancy clothes, and cry their fake tears. Maybe they're real tears. I don' t really care, because they don't care about how I have to do all the work....while they get their all-expenses paid trips to "visit" their parents.
Every family is different.
But one thing is for sure, the "one" who is the caregiver, is never going to get their due until they get to Heaven. That's my expereience
Death should not be a time of discord, and I would focus on giving the person a decent funeral that they would have expected.
You have to talk to with your dad and if mom is alive and still semi sound of mind, ask her what her wishes are and record them so that when people try to say that you're lying, you have proof. Your dad is conflicted because no parent wants to see their children go at it, to the point that it gets physical and the police get involved. I really do hope that all works out for you and please keep us informed of how everything is turning out.
If you must have a funeral, go to the police station and ask if you can hire 2 off-duty cops. Explain the situation. If they won't interfere with domestic violence, then cancel the funeral. If the cops can interfere, hire them, do the funeral. Announce in advance to family of this and that you have authorized the cops to escort anyone who cannot behave at the funeral and the burial. No Ifs, Ands or Buts. You misbehave, you will be escorted out.
After this, know who's the trouble maker in the family, and avoid them. Set up boundaries. Keep it simple. Because you may eventually have to go through this again when it's your father's turn.
Who was charged with assault? And why?
Separate funerals and visitations are for people who can't be trusted to behave like adults. Not to mention the expense of separate everything.