She won't even acknowledge me in a store, except snicker with my sister. Haven't talked to mom for almost 3 yrs. She doesn't want to talk to me and when we see each other in a store, she makes rude comments to my sister who adds fuel to the fire and they'll stare and snicker. Mom use to spend every Xmas, Xmas Eve, and Thanksgiving with my family (noone else invited her) and we had a good time. I have sent her flowers every birthday and Mother's Day. Not even a thank you. My daughter and granddaughter visited her and said I sent the flowers but she doesn't want to call me, I'll hang up on her (which I don't, but she has hung up on me). She doesn't want any communication from me. She's 83, has dementia, doesn't take her meds regularly (according to one of my bros.), is diabetic, Crohn's, hi-blood pressure, hi-cholesterol, is completelyl deaf in one ear and hardly any hearing in another, has a hard time with the english language (she's asian), and maybe about 85 pounds. She use to be a very sweet person and cared about everyone. It breaks my heart that my sister has helped her to be the way she is (as she doesn't want anyone else to visit mom, "causes too much stress which causes her Crohn's to flare up"). I was told to stay away and was not welcome in mom's home. Yes, she lives by herself, house is clean (per brother), but her safety is in jeopardy. She still cooks and was told not to (by her doctor) sine she burns her food. I don't even know if her smoke detector works anymore. My parents are divorced, she's entitled to half his pension (military). Since the siblings who are willing to help are told to stay away, what are we to do?
Maybe until you can have a civil conversation with her you could continue to send her cards/letters letting her know you care for her..
Mom doesn't call him to thank him and doesn't want him to visit. Other bro. lives up north and visited her a couple of days recently, says she's failed to take her meds. regularly. mom doesn't get any exercise and lays on the couch watching TV or sleeping. When I last visited mom she said I lie about everything, ever since I was little I had been a problem (?). This is the same sis. that abandoned mom and dad at 16 (runaway) and maybe is trying to make it uo now, but at the expense of the children who want to help mom. My sis. loves the attention she gets from everyone "taking care of mom" and taking her to all her appts and grocery shopping. I guess I'm burned out with the whole situation, but still love mom.
I'm sure it's very painful that your mom treats you this way and I know you love her but you might have to just let it go so you don't continue to get hurt yourself when you send her cards or flowers and she refuses to acknowledge these gestures. Do you really want to force your way into this situation?