I was raised in foster homes growing up. I am trying to help someone who has no friends or family that care to help her; my mother. She walked out of my life when I was 12. I never heard from her again until I was 32. I was in 3 foster homes and a children's orphanage until I was 20. The sad thing is she left KNOWING my father was molesting me! He never raped me, but was planning to, when I ran away the last time at 17. He told me who would they believe I was having sex with; him or my boyfriend?! I was trapped, and knew I had to leave. (Incidently, I never had sex until I was married at age 20.) She's never has been a grandmother to my 27 year old son. He never goes to see her, he has no feelings for her. She is self-centered, selfish, spiteful, hateful, and loves no one. I am only her daughter a long as I do for her. As long as she can manipulate me to do things for her. I have reached the end of my rope. My nerves are getting bad, I can't sleep, I am not eating well. As a Christian, I felt like I needed to help her. She did bring me in to this world, such as it was. I thought it would get easier since she got in the home, but it has gotten worse. She went willingly to the home.
If you can't do that, help her through the facility, without direct contact with her. I know others on this board do something similar with their narcissistic parents. You can still advocate for her, but not through direct contact.
Hugs to you - you don't deserve to give up your mental health to care for this woman who never cared for you.
The very best of luck to you and your son.
Keep in touch with the professional staff about how she's adjusting.
Dementia patients are very fortunate if they are happy, content and have no issues. It's not likely to happen. The important thing is that she is somewhere she can have her needs met. Due to dementia, the patient often doesn't recognize that. And in fact, they are often unhappy wherever they go. The mind may not allow them peace, but it's not about where they are. It's that their brain is not working right.
I would focus on my own life and happiness and not allow her situation to distract you.