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My mother's family are the most overbearing hard headed individuals. My oldest sister is 99 and my mom is 83. My mom oldest sister didnt have children so we are having to deal with her. They are very difficult to deal with.
The 99 y/o one has stuck around this long probably because she didn't have any children to wear her out. She's managed to take care of herself while getting a kick out of pi__ing everybody else off along the way. And still does it.
Annoyingly resilient, aren't they? Just ask them what the secret to their longevity is. Bet you they have a lot of stories to tell, and you'll see them in a whole different light after they're done. If you can't beat 'em ...
Mom just turned 101. She is now in a nursing home and her dementia and extreme old age has pretty much mellowed her. She was never mean but she was always STUBBORN! She also refused to accept she was aging and fought it every step of the way. Her doctor said being stubborn and having such a strong will to live is why she has lived so long. (of course genetics also play a part because she never gets sick and has nothing wrong with her)
My sympathies, sincerely. The mean people live so long because they are being given EVERY opportunity to mend their ways. The rest don't need that opportunity. They already made it! Just come to this site and get a hug. ((((Hug)))
Wow, that is old! You have to be on the home stretch!! My dad died just before turning 88. He was in the hospital for a week, and I sat with him every day. Honestly, I did feel bad for him (and I loved him) even though he annoyed the hell out of me for the 10 previous years. After a week in the hospital (everyone thought he was dying), he was transferred to a nursing home. I still remember the shock when they called me two days later to say he was in the dining room having breakfast with the group!!!
But, a couple of days later he did die. It sure seemed to drag out, and it was hard to watch. There are some things I actually miss about him, but it's also REALLY nice to have my life back. He was clingy, rude, and totally oblivious. He put a huge strain on my marriage.
My mom was older, and she lived another two years to 95. She was very sweet most of the time, and had always been kind and considerate. But she had Alzheimer's and was starting to be difficult at times. It's good that she's gone, but I miss her a lot.
Just do your best to take care of yourself so you outlive them and have enough good years to enjoy it!
Both my LOVELY grandmothers lived into their 90's. They were amazing. They'd call ME every week, if I didn't call them first, they cared about me and my life and often invited me to bring the kids over "anytime". I am so grateful my kids had that experience b/c both of the their grandmothers wanted little to nothing to do with them. It DOES seem like the meanest people live forever. My uncle died at 88 and there were 15 people at his funeral. And all 15 kind of HAD to be there. He'd been a schoolteacher and a school counselor--not ONE past student came to "pay respects". Because he was a horrible, horrible man. I'll never understand this phenomena, never.
I agree with Jessie, it just seems that way. I have a great uncle who is 96, has a great sense of humor and still goes dancing with his younger (mid 80's) girlfriend. My maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother who both lived into their 90's were sweet and pleasant to be around until the end. My 89 year old mother with dementia is a royal pain. It seems like I have been dealing with her for at least 100 years.
As you know I deal with a difficult father 95 and my husband with a difficult uncle 101. I respect them both for their work ethic and the uncle participated on D-Day. But, they take no joy from life as it stands today. I have been to several funerals over the holidays sadly, one for a jovial senior man who was always caring and kind. Another for a 13 year old boy tragically taken from an asthma attack. I think back a decade to a friend who lost a brave battle with cancer leaving 2 very young children.
I realize that God has a plan for us all, but in reviewing those last few funerals, life would be so much more fair if the ones who are extremely old and miserable could just give a few of their years to the folks who have to leave us too soon.
Thanks theirdaughter for your response. My patience is wearing thin but I hope that I am on the homestretch. I am single and look forward to being free from the burden. I am not sure of ever marrying because I dont want to EVER be a caregiver to noone else but me. I hope that I will live longer but often feel that I might not make it. I have sisters and a brother that helps out. My other brother no longer deals with my mother because of her over bearing personality. I appreciate the input from everyone.
Just seems like they live longer because every minute is a trial! ;-)
But, there is something about stubbornness...and determination...that might make people live longer. However, I have to believe that the Lord makes the end of life decisions...and there may be something to to the "only the good die young" theory. ..that God gives you more time so that you may be redeemed.
I think you are right about the good die young. A 42 yrs old mother of three good person recently dropped dead of a heartattack unexpectedly. I know god has a plan but does he ever think about those that have to deal with these difficult folks?!
I read an article a few years ago that said that the most ornery hospital patients actually got well quicker than the ones who were the 'nice patients.' Go figure!
Interesting...My 91 year old Mother is mean, nasty and rude to anyone who tries to help her. She can get the best of the best and still she complains, complains and complains. She is a total mal-content. I say interesting because when she gets real mean her eyes get bluer and her gray hair gets prettier. It looks like her wrinkles disappear. She seems to feed on being pure nasty and having no one like to be around her. Has anyone noticed this with their love ones? I use the term loved ones loosely.
Hello fost40, I'm sorry I do not get it. May be I'm thick, I honestly don't know. You state in Your post Your oldest Sister is 99, and Your Mom is 83...
I'm thinking he means his aunt, instead of his sister. It makes sense that way. Since his aunt (mother's older sister) had no children, they are helping with her.
Maybe those people exist to help us learn how to say "no" sometimes. As I've mentioned, my dad drove me nuts. He wasn't mean, just a pain in the butt and totally oblivious to his poor behavior. I not only allowed him to get away with it, I then made myself additionally miserable by dwelling on how much he was upsetting me. I won't tell you I ever got all that good at it, but I did start confronting him. I tried not to do it in anger, but I did start telling him when he was stepping on my toes. I should have done that A LOT sooner. But, my entire family operated by being passive aggressive, so it's been very challenging for me to be honest about my feelings without being snide or irritable. Of course, some therapy didn't hurt!
TheirDaughter, it sounds to me that you are talking about the role of a Sacred Clown, as the Navajos call it. Through their preposterous and sometimes ridiculous behavior, they teach us lessons about ourselves. :)
fost40 please forgive Me as I wasn't trying to be a smart ass. You have asked a great question. I have often wondered that same QUESTION which You have asked also. {{{{{ PEASE & HUGS TO YOU }}}}}
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Annoyingly resilient, aren't they? Just ask them what the secret to their longevity is. Bet you they have a lot of stories to tell, and you'll see them in a whole different light after they're done. If you can't beat 'em ...
But, a couple of days later he did die. It sure seemed to drag out, and it was hard to watch. There are some things I actually miss about him, but it's also REALLY nice to have my life back. He was clingy, rude, and totally oblivious. He put a huge strain on my marriage.
My mom was older, and she lived another two years to 95. She was very sweet most of the time, and had always been kind and considerate. But she had Alzheimer's and was starting to be difficult at times. It's good that she's gone, but I miss her a lot.
Just do your best to take care of yourself so you outlive them and have enough good years to enjoy it!
It DOES seem like the meanest people live forever. My uncle died at 88 and there were 15 people at his funeral. And all 15 kind of HAD to be there. He'd been a schoolteacher and a school counselor--not ONE past student came to "pay respects". Because he was a horrible, horrible man. I'll never understand this phenomena, never.
I realize that God has a plan for us all, but in reviewing those last few funerals, life would be so much more fair if the ones who are extremely old and miserable could just give a few of their years to the folks who have to leave us too soon.
But, there is something about stubbornness...and determination...that might make people live longer. However, I have to believe that the Lord makes the end of life decisions...and there may be something to to the "only the good die young" theory. ..that God gives you more time so that you may be redeemed.
You state in Your post Your oldest Sister is 99, and Your Mom is 83...