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I know of a family near me where there was elder financial abuse and really that is what is happening here.

First the woman in question realized she could not say no to her son, but also did not want to give him money. She felt intimidated into doing so. She assigned POA to a friend and the friend had full control over her finances. This worked for a couple years. The POA went on a 21 day holiday and the son convinced his mother to revoke the POA and in less than 3 weeks $20,000 was gone. When the POA returned she was not told it had been revoked until she went to the bank to pay the bills.

The POA got together with some other long time friends of the elder and eventually elder financial abuse was reported to the authorities and the Public Trustee took over the finances as the elder could not longer manage them nor say not to her son.

If I were you I would go to the bank and ask them what they do in cases of elder financial abuse, what systems do they have in place to prevent it? I would also contact your local APS to discuss elder financial abuse.
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If your mothers money means so much to you perhaps you had better look into some very necessary changes. Is it justice you are looking for, fairness, money for yourself. I would relinquish the POA to your brother and then be prepared to see the worst that can happen. You can always change your attitude and remember money does not fill all needs!!!
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MountainMoose May 2020
I don't take it that Dragonfly is interested in the money for herself. Her mother may very need that money for her care down the road if she ends up in a nursing home. If so, there well may be a five-year look-back that her mother or Dragonfly will have to account for where all that money went.
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I got my P O A by applying for it and getting my husband to OK it. He has Alzheimers and at the time was capable of sighing off on it. I guess I was lucky but if you are in this situation and do not want to declare your mother incompetent then forget about her money, it is hers, not yours. You can see to it that she gets the physical care she NEEDS and your obligations are met. This advice came from a visiting nurse who took me aside outside my parents’ house. I was completely left out of my fathers will after my mother died and I would do the same things all over again. Money just isn’t the most important thing in life. Peace of mind and my health were and still are numero one!!! Get a lawyer if necessary just to see what your options are but stop complaint and do something, even changing your attitude about what is most important in your life. Is it her money or yours. I received nothing from my father’s estate and I relish the fact that his money meant so little to me. The freedom I felt and still feel is exhilarating to say the least, I am doing fine financially without his money and without his judgements. I would do it all the same again, again, and again!
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kdcm1011 May 2020
Wise words.
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I hate to say it, but if you think your mom is giving your brother the money then your probably right! My mother went through 89,000 in less than 3 yrs. She doesn't remember what she did with all that money, but I do- to my bum brother who hasn't worked in 20 yrs. I seen him with 2 pairs of $300.00 shoes, new clothes and what-nots. As a POA you really can't override your mom, but you sure can stop the bleeding! How? Can you transfer some of her money into another acct? Example, from her checking acct to her savings acct! That is what I started doing. Online banking is great for that. Make excuses on why you should go to the bank and make the withdrawal or just do it and tell mom here is a $100.00 I thought you might need some cash so I went and withdrew some money for you. Just act like it was no biggie! Do you pay mom's bills for her or does she do it? I ask because once I started to pay my mother's bills I started to tell her that she only has xyz amount for the month. I did it slowly...in time my brother started to get less and less and now he gets nothing! See where I am going with this?! Is it wrong to keep my mother from her own money...maybe, or is it wrong to sit back and let someone use her for her money and watch her lose everything because her child is selfish? I don't have the answer for you. All I know is that my mother was going to lose my dad's house...her home and my brother didn't care if she became homeless as long as he got what he wanted! I could not let that happen!!

Think outside the box!
I wish you the best of luck!!!
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Dragonfly62 May 2020
I handle all her financials and medical. Been doing it for years and will continue til the end.
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I know someone who blew through $100K and said she didn't know what she spent it on. I feel badly that she made poor decisions, but I'm unaware of anything I or anyone else could have done to stop her. This lady had made a lifetime of poor decisions, so losing track of a large balance was nothing new - strange as that sounds. I suspect a good portion of it was given away little by little to a relative and elder finds it's easier to not "remember" than it would be to explain that she threw good money after bad and gave it to someone who would keep coming back until the well dried up. Her $100K is her own business but when she's approaching me to balance her budget, she's approaching me as if as if I am an ATM who will give her cash (now that she had none left), she's approaching me for general financial advice about several large debts she owes.... it's hard to proceed without knowing where that $100K went and what logic was used. Elders can be really good at hiding certain things and money matters are at or near the top of the list.
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until she’s declared mental incompetent, she can do what she wants with her money. You being POA doesn’t give you the power to override her decisions. Best you can do is try to convince her to turn Over all the financials to her.
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worriedinCali May 2020
whoops! The last sentence should say “convince her to turn over all the financials to YOU”.
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