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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You will probably get nowhere if you attempt to prove to her that she did agree. To be honest, even if you had her signature in triplicate - "I, mother, hereby authorise my child with power of attorney to sell my car on my behalf" - and showed it to her she would probably still insist that she had not agreed. Fact is, she is not happy that she is no longer a car owner/driver and she wishes to relieve her feelings about it.
So - suppose she hadn't agreed? "Too late, too late!" the cry - the car is sold. Did you get much for it? The money may do something to console her. Apologise for the misunderstanding (it's her misunderstanding, but it doesn't matter) and show her the cash. If she insists on investing it in another car... try delaying tactics.
And on to the bigger issue - so what's happening with the house?
Well, since she is in AL and doesn't need a car, it was certainly the right thing to do. Just make up some "excuse" and try to change the subject.
I would still carry on with selling her house. At 95, I think it's pretty safe to say that she will not be going home again. Also likely that she will need the money to pay for her AL bills.
Somehow, you have to let her changing her mind and disagreeing with you roll off your back, etc.
Refocus the confusion. Since it's sold, can the money be used for something she would value and enjoy like a small trip or needed purchase. My mother has talked about selling her car which she no longer drives. It's such a symbol of her life that I stopped her from selling it. I thought she wants to see it's value, which to her is invaluable. I would have to find something she could not have purchased if not for the sale of the car. Be careful if you sell the house there will be capital gains tax to pay, unless there's a purchase of another home. An elder law attorney should be able to help with what is the best option in these situation. There are issues if medicaid is ever needed.
The first $250,000 of the sale of a primary residence is exempt from capital gains. Subtract the original purchase price and the price of any capital improvements made. Only if there is more than $250,000 net profit do you have to worry about capital gains taxes.
My mother has not driven in about 10 years or more, but she and my deceased Dad with ALZ still bought a new sweet ride every 5 years. When they moved in with us, she sold me her car so I could insure it.. Its 9 years old now, but almost no miles.. she still mentions a lot about getting a new one.. LOL Its a loss of freedom I think. I told her if she wants a new car I need a new SUV and we can get the "sweet rides" model, but she is paying the first 60,000! That ended that. The current one is still by far the lowest miles we own, so to me its the newest.. But old habits die hard for our folks... And BTW it's still her car.. LOL
Thanks everyone...mom is difficult (always has been)...I’ve tried to be sensitive to her situation and lack of total independence, but it’s hard. I have a wonderful elder care attorney..the house is in a different state and needs to be sold to prevent probate in two states when the time comes...mom has lots of money (which may be problematic if she ever needs Medicaid)...too late to put the house in my name...will be setting up a trust which will protect some of her assets...she is currently living in a mother-in-law apartment on our property and paying rent, so that’s helping...nothing is easy...she’s just very nasty at times.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You will probably get nowhere if you attempt to prove to her that she did agree. To be honest, even if you had her signature in triplicate - "I, mother, hereby authorise my child with power of attorney to sell my car on my behalf" - and showed it to her she would probably still insist that she had not agreed. Fact is, she is not happy that she is no longer a car owner/driver and she wishes to relieve her feelings about it.
So - suppose she hadn't agreed? "Too late, too late!" the cry - the car is sold. Did you get much for it? The money may do something to console her. Apologise for the misunderstanding (it's her misunderstanding, but it doesn't matter) and show her the cash. If she insists on investing it in another car... try delaying tactics.
And on to the bigger issue - so what's happening with the house?
I would still carry on with selling her house. At 95, I think it's pretty safe to say that she will not be going home again. Also likely that she will need the money to pay for her AL bills.
Somehow, you have to let her changing her mind and disagreeing with you roll off your back, etc.
Sell the house, she is 95, time to let it go, she is not going back there anyway.