What is reasonable behavior of the Administration? How has anyone dealt wityMother went through a period of being scared. She was having nightmares. She told me that she had thoughts she didn't understand. She has a visual hallucination of a man in her closet and a hand coming out of the closet and grabbing the door. Just prior to this mild hysteria, the maintenance man had me wondering about what was going on. He stopped at Mother's door and in a very seductive manner asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about. I stepped forward so he could see she wasn't alone. He left the doorway. I fault myself for not speaking up then. I was floored and took it as a sign I should watch closely what was going on in Mother's life in PC. Mother's fear and anxiety kicked in big time. She had visual hallucinations. She was having nightmares of a man in her closet. She told me she was scared and nervous. All she wanted to do was sleep. She was withdrawing. Then, one morning I noticed the clock in Mom's room was fixed. Mom told me, "last night the maintenance man was here."There was also a small yogurt container that someone had placed next to her bed. We talked. She made no accusations but she wouldn't. She has always covered up any inappropriate behaviors. I told a RN in PC of Mother being frightened and scared and described how the maintenance man was being inappropriate. He was called to the nurses station. On the way he passed Mother's apartment singing love songs in a loud tone. He stopped by the apartment on the way back. He told two lies. He said he never asked her is she wanted to talk to him. He said he stopped by her apartment in the morning before i got there and fixed her TV and clock. The TV had been fixed the week before. Mother had gotten out of her nightmares and fears since he had been staying away from her. We have no assurances from the facility. She continues to improve. He should have been talked to that he is not a counselor at the facility and that he should stay away from my Mother. Something should be placed in his file that we complained s that other vulnerable grandmas are not approached inappropriately. Yesterday was her best day since last year when she started to decline. I am left disappointed that no one at the facility was equipped to deal with this with more compassion and interest. Also I called the Rape Crises Center and did research on the internet. Sexual harassment in Senior facilities and the senior population does not have the advocates of the younger population. When I made a call to the Rape Crises Center I was told I would be called back. I wish there would be programs through the Rape Crises Center for seniors as there was/is for children and the younger population. There isn't much that I could find except that this is lacking. Any feedback would be appreciated.
The "maintenance man" is "visiting" her in her apartment?
If this is true (and even with mild dementia, there are sometimes delusions, so I would try to confirm that others have seen him entering her premises), the facility should be informed in writing of his inappropriate actions after being spoken to, with a CC to your attorney, to the local Area Agency on Aging, the local police and the D.A. and find out if there is a local politician who has a special interest in the aging; send a copy to the person in his/her office who deals with that issue.
But first, please, PLEASE make sure that this is actually happening. early in the onset of her dementia, my mother suffered from the delusion that one of the male LPNs at the rehab facility was leering at her and having sex with someone in her bathroom. That was decidedly NOT the fact, but we knew that we were transferring mom to a different place after rehab, so we were able to talk to him and to the facility and got things arranged so that he was not assigned to her wing for the week she had left.
Just make sure that he is actually visiting her.
Or, perhaps, mom is on a medication that could be causing her to hallucinate. Even meds to help a person sleep can cause odd dreams.
On the other hand, perhaps moving mom to another facility is long past overdue. I believe you said that this hallucination started a year ago? If you truly believe that your mom has been the victim of sexual harassment, and the administration has not addressed your concern, then leaving mom in that situation makes no sense. Also, your ombudsman, who is a resident advocate, is a phone call away. They are there to mediate and be an unbiased advocate for the residents. What is holding you back?
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Anyway, anytime you're investigating an accusation, use any and all options available to you, and make sure to catch everything if you use a nanny cam. Nanny cams seems to be the best way to get to the bottom of this in case your mom is moved and the behavior continues elsewhere because you just never know these days
If you remove her from this place, and she continues to have nightmares and other manifestations of trauma, it may be a sign that the problem lies with her, or it may be that she is traumatized enough by anything that this man has done that she needs psychological help. In either case, it would then be appropriate to seek counseling.
I would like to say two things about abuse and harassment. First, that I myself have been a victim of sexual harassment, and I have learned quite a bit about it. IF you accuse this man, but leave your mother in that facility, the abuse may escalate. That is why you need to remove her. Even if you do not "say" anything, if you indicate in any way that you suspect him, the abuse may escalate.
And victims of sexual harassment are often not believed. This is a BIG part of the problem in general, and lack of support makes any abuse far worse. Your mother may not even realize he has abused her, or she may be too frightened to speak out, as the nightmares may be demonstrating. Again, you don't "owe" this man "the benefit of the doubt." If you think that it would be unfair to make any accusation about him, you can just remove her from the facility without saying anything about why you are doing so. Or you may indicate to the administrator that he should be watched and let her take it from there.
Secondly, I will share my own experience with caretakers. When my children were babies, I had to work and leave them in child care. One particular caretaker was not very clean or very pleasant to talk to, and I did not feel comfortable with her. Then, one day when I picked up my son, who was about 18 months old (too young to talk), I noticed that he glared at her with a lot of anger. I had never seen him do that with anyone, and so going on my gut feeling, I never took him back. THAT NIGHT, I found another caretaker.
So, what I am saying is simply, don't wait. Go with your gut feelings and know that your mother needs you to PROTECT her. Abuse of patients in facilities like rest homes and child care centers happens all the time. You don't have to go to the police, but you do have to make sure it doesn't happen to the woman who carried you for nine months.
I was actually trying to say that I saw a sad situation on the show where someone was falsely accused of a sexual crime, only to find out they really didn't do it and they were actually innocent but unfortunately if I recall right they were falsely imprisoned and I think the state should heavily reimburse them call for the lost time from their families and loved ones. Sometimes people with mental conditions will fabricate stories and cause trouble for innocent victims, so in this case you better prove it! Definitely have this investigated to see if this is really true or not because you don't want an innocent person being labeled and even mistreated