My mother moved in with my husband and me a year ago (April 2014) It's been kind of rocky. And she's been getting on my nerves...the biggest reason is she's so snoopy. Today she was in my bad snooping and actually removed something from it. And then she denied it. I was mad enough to spit. When I told her I didn't appreciate her snooping through my bag, and she should have more respect for me, that I was an adult, she denied it. OHHH dear...I had to hold my tongue...or I may have just kicked her out. That's how angry I was. In any case when I got home many hours later I was still angry. Now I cooling off from my mad, but I need to stop this snooping business or I may go off the deep end and actually ask her to leave. I love my mom, but this is something I don't tolerate. I don't do it to her, I never did it to my daughter. (who is now an adult) I don't do it to my husband and it aggravates me that she actually denied it and she and I were the only ones home. Plus I saw her doing it yesterday and let it go because I thought she was looking for something. Do I need to put a lock on my door from my own mom???? Help me please.
She was forgetting alot of things at the time but wasn't ready to admit to it..
But interpreting the napkins as a message from your father is very touching and helpful.
This behavior really does sound like the first sign that something is not quite right in Mom's brain. Maybe she has always had these tendencies and her social filters are beginning to slip, so she acts them out more. In any case I think you will feel less upset about it if you don't take it as a reflection on you. Can't mother realize you are an adult and this is no longer appropriate at any level? This probably isn't about how Mom sees you. It is about her own internal urges.
If Mom suddenly developed a fascination with fire, I think you'd take care to keep matches inaccessible to her. This is similar. Keep your private things in a locked room. I like GardenArtist's idea of a snoop dresser. Maybe once in a while you could stock it with old pictures or other treasures to make it worth her while to look in there.
I would also keep an eye out for other inappropriate or strange behaviors. Some forms of dementia do not start with memory loss.
Come back and let us know how this is working out for you. We learn from each other!
Of perhaps you could create a "snoop" dresser in an area accessible to her. Fill it with various stuff that isn't personal and let her rummage around in it.