Mother cries out. How do you deal with a person with dementia who is so needy?

Question

Mother cries out. How do you deal with a person with dementia who is so needy?

Follow

Share

I'm speaking on behalf of my sister who is the primary caregiver for our 88 year old mother. By the way, I live and work out of town. Our mother has dementia and the stage that she's in now has her crying out for attention throughout the day and night. It seems our mom is afraid of being left alone. The crying out and moaning keeps my sister from getting a good night's sleep and because she works from home, it can also cause several interruptions throughout the day. Guilt and the fear that something is really wrong, which usually there isn't, is one of the frustrating things about it. The moaning makes you jump to her aide everytime she cries out. Ever since our mother was younger, she's had a history of not sleeping well at night and that just adds to the problem. Mom has a prescription to help calm her. It either doesn't do the job or she's too doped up and doesn't know if and when she should go to the bathroom. We had caregivers come in on a regular basis, but since the pandemic, those visits have been suspended and my sister is doing all the work. I'm afraid she's suffering from burnout. How do you deal with a person with dementia who is so needy?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Burnout Dementia Behaviors

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

25 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

You consider placing her in a Memory Care Assisted Living community where she will get care 24/7 by people who work in shifts to ensure there is round the clock care. One person cannot be expected to deal with late stage dementia issues of this caliber. It's unfair to both parties. At the very least, caregivers need to be rehired in the home, especially for the night shift, if your mother is not placed in professional care.

My mother is almost 94, moderate dementia, incontinent, sleepless for the most part, and in constant need of some type of care, medication, attention or companionship which she gets at her Memory Care Assisted Living community. She is never alone between having 12 caregivers and 22 other residents to visit with every day, plus the visits and calls she gets from family. Her doctor visits weekly and changes her medication as needed. There is no way on earth I'd be able to handle her in my home.....it would be literally impossible. Nobody should expect such a thing of herself or of another, either, because it's just TOO MUCH for one human being to handle.

Wishing your sister the best of luck taking care of HERSELF in addition to figuring out her mother's needs.

Helpful Answer (14)

Report

I am in your sisters position and understand her burnout. I do have help for 4 hours a day and the other 20 are on me because I live the closest to my mother. I have had to quit my job and my husband lives a bachelor's life because I also sleep at my mother's house to care for her at night It has been so easy for my two sisters to find reasons why they can't share the burden of caregiving. Jobs, kids, distance etc. All good reasons to avoid the truth of a situation. But siblings need to share caregiving responsibilities. I turned my life upside down to be a caregiver while my siblings found excuses why they can't help. Your sister and mother need help. Step up. You must make the sacrifices you need to share the caregiving of your mother. This post is directed to all siblings who rely on one sister or brother to carry the burden of an aging parents care. You are in this together. No more excuses please

Helpful Answer (11)

Report

This is so unfair to your sister. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

Time to look into your mother going into a facility.

Helpful Answer (9)

Report

Toward the end of my mom's life, her precious Scotty dog died. That's when her moaning and crying became loud enough to have the neighbors call adult protective services to investigate. Of course spending just a few minutes with her they could see that the moaning was the result of her dementia. We found that buying her a stuffed "Scotty" that she could hold calmed her more than any of the drugs. We also started using CBD tea and oil; that really helped her relax. As she got worse she hated to close her eyes, her fear of death was so profound. Many nights she would hug the stuffed dog and whimper just like a baby. We finally put a wind up clock that softly ticked in her room only at night and the distraction was enough for her to doze off. When we finally had to put her in nursing home hospice care she would never let the toy dog go. When she passed she hugged the dog to her, smiled and closed her eyes. The point is we never know what our loved ones are going through in their minds. All we can do is love them like they did when we were born. God bless, peace and joy.

Helpful Answer (7)

Report

Very touching story. My mom is in the late stage of dementia and cries, moans, and whimpers every day, mostly during sundowning. She is the mother of 10 children, whom she cherish. Unfortunately, she thinks she’s still a young mother with lots of little ones at her knee. We’ve purchased her two lifelike baby dolls that she talks to and holds. Nowadays, they make dolls look extremely real, so she believes these 2 babies were left by their mother for her to care for. “Delores” and “Sue” have become part of our family. Although my mom is on Lorazapan, it doesn’t really calm her, but her hospice nurse mentioned CBD tea as a possible remedy to calm her. Did you find it effective?

(1)

Report

My mom called my name and another phrase over and over, I'm not sure she even realized she was doing it. Tell your sister she has to mentally turn it off, wearing ear plugs can help - I'm serious about that, the little foam ones from the drug store won't block it completely but can turn down the volume when your nerves are beyond frayed. Then talk to the doctor about something to help your mother sleep through the night, for us mirtazapine was a miracle drug that not only gifted us with restful sleep it helped my mom be less needy and more herself through the day. Sister needs to make sure the doctor understands that her need for restful sleep is the priority because she can't continue as a caregiver without it.

As for the zombie effect of some drugs - often that wears off as the body becomes adjusted or the dose is changed, she needs to give everything a fair trial (several weeks) before dismissing it.

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Ear plugs are good. I use music as therapy, so when Dad has his TV or radio up high I wear headphones. When he says something hateful or absurd, I use silence. After awhile he realizes he is not triggering me and he changes to something else I will respond to. But it is SO hard to keep quiet some times...

(7)

Report

Does she have a neurologist? If not , perhaps PCP can prescribe a medication to calm her down, It don’t get any easier, my friend.
Hugs 🤗

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Employ the services of nursing assistant, “Visiting Angels,” Your poor sister must be exhausted, and is putting her own health at risk. Have you considered placing your mom in a skilled nursing facility?

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Don't use an agency. These places will hire anyone. They claim that all of their CNA's get special training and all sorts of things but they don't. Use an online caregiver site where you view aides profiles and contact them yourself. You check their references yourself and you can insist that they bring their own completed criminal back round check. Online is the place to find good CNA's. Not agencies. The old-school CNA's like myself who know how to deal with every situation in a home work for ourselves and it's private cases only. Agency pay is a joke and the aides who work for one are either just starting out and need to get experience, or they're people who have no idea what they're doing. Hire private. You get better people and it's cheaper.

(1)

Report

Are you sure it is needy?

She has a disease that causes her anxiety. Check with the doc about meds that may help calm her. She is frightened, doesn't know where she is and needs love, patience and reassurance.

Check into memory care facilities for her. Get sis a break, somehow. Go to visit while sis takes a vacation. What can you do to help?

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Kuddos to your sister. Taking care of someone with dementia is not easy.
Is it possible that you or other family members can relieve your sister?

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

My wife takes two prescriptions, both together at two times each day. Check with your Dr. to see if your meds are enough to keep her calm. My wife gets extra meds in the evening to allow her to sleep all night... your mom will benefit from the increase in meds and you will, too...

Mother cries out. How do you deal with a person with dementia who is so needy?

25 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions