I'm speaking on behalf of my sister who is the primary caregiver for our 88 year old mother. By the way, I live and work out of town. Our mother has dementia and the stage that she's in now has her crying out for attention throughout the day and night. It seems our mom is afraid of being left alone. The crying out and moaning keeps my sister from getting a good night's sleep and because she works from home, it can also cause several interruptions throughout the day. Guilt and the fear that something is really wrong, which usually there isn't, is one of the frustrating things about it. The moaning makes you jump to her aide everytime she cries out. Ever since our mother was younger, she's had a history of not sleeping well at night and that just adds to the problem. Mom has a prescription to help calm her. It either doesn't do the job or she's too doped up and doesn't know if and when she should go to the bathroom. We had caregivers come in on a regular basis, but since the pandemic, those visits have been suspended and my sister is doing all the work. I'm afraid she's suffering from burnout. How do you deal with a person with dementia who is so needy?
My mother is almost 94, moderate dementia, incontinent, sleepless for the most part, and in constant need of some type of care, medication, attention or companionship which she gets at her Memory Care Assisted Living community. She is never alone between having 12 caregivers and 22 other residents to visit with every day, plus the visits and calls she gets from family. Her doctor visits weekly and changes her medication as needed. There is no way on earth I'd be able to handle her in my home.....it would be literally impossible. Nobody should expect such a thing of herself or of another, either, because it's just TOO MUCH for one human being to handle.
Wishing your sister the best of luck taking care of HERSELF in addition to figuring out her mother's needs.
https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/health-risks-for-dementia-caregivers?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=20201210&utm_term=USNewsletter&mkt_tok=eyJpIjoiWkdNellqZ3dZbUl4TVdGaiIsInQiOiJ2ZkRcL0kzMW82MWlYb3NOR2M2MEtLeUpUSHg1UkRJdzhQSGhVUjNwcUYwZXZ5TTA1UnYxTEVMRXh6bkJsSFpaY2lrQ1F5NmVWcnRSMzhyamZ1bmI5ZXVoeFhjSzNjTHczUndtXC9HQzEzdWJBYk0waDR4QTVPeXFTUnpNUzB4UithIn0%3D
Thank you for the link.
As for the zombie effect of some drugs - often that wears off as the body becomes adjusted or the dose is changed, she needs to give everything a fair trial (several weeks) before dismissing it.
Hugs 🤗
She has a disease that causes her anxiety. Check with the doc about meds that may help calm her. She is frightened, doesn't know where she is and needs love, patience and reassurance.
Check into memory care facilities for her. Get sis a break, somehow. Go to visit while sis takes a vacation. What can you do to help?
Time to look into your mother going into a facility.
Is it possible that you or other family members can relieve your sister?
Check into other options, if needed. There are long term care facilities out there. There is help, even in a pandemic.
But first speak to her doctor about better medicine.
Here are 4 companies who provide caregiving services, 24 hour or whatever arrangement you need;
A Place at Home (a subsidiary of A Place for Mom); Home Instead, Visiting Angels, Seniors Helpers.
Also, from experience, if your Mom is that far along with dementia, sounds like she should be in assisted living. I don't want you to feel like I have a hard heart. I went through 10 years of my husband, the last 3 were probably the worst, with him grabbing the house key and put it in the car ignition when I was busy doing what housewives do. another time, walking out of the house and crossing 6-lane boulevard (thank God on a Sunday). When our loved one starts this kind of stuff, and your Mom's cry out is because she is scared, it's time to rethink a better way to care for her. Assisted Living is better than all of you becoming overwhelmed over her need for assurance you all there for her. She doesn't know you are in the next room. She is lonely and is crying for assurance she is not alone, and companionship. And what you are going through with bathroom situation, it is best for her to be Assisted Living or Memory Care. Please consider for you and your family's sake.
It could be also depression perhaps like my father, she can remember clips of the news and recalls bits and pieces and they ruminate. No more news. Just funny movies. Censor her TV. Perhaps she knows she will be dying soon and like my mother did ...and becomes despondent. Despair hit her like a ton of bricks. I lost both parents within 2 years of one another. My dad had Dementia and in his last two years suffered brain stokes no longer able to walk he was in diapers and felt ashamed each time he had a bowel movement. Your sister needs relief. Your sister will need someone to come into the bubble with her. Either paid home care or a relative. Willingly without rancor. Someone needs to get a doctor to test your mom for an UTI. It might rule out some other cause for her confusion and anxiety. . This might be the start of the end. My unpopular opinion is...that no way in God's green earth should a senior be put into a home during this pandemic. Where I live they won't let you in frequently enough. They decline and die faster. You need to get tested each time you do visit and get a weekly visit only. Only one person gets to visit no one else can take that person's place on different days. My great aunt died in a home this year and she was frightened by all the masked people around her. The stress was unbearable for her. She too had dementia. Your sister might get relief from not having the work and stress at home but she might later on go through a depression from not having been next to her mother in her last hours. Where I live they put a morphine pump on our mother to help with her pain and I was next to her. Your mom needs a new medicine ..a new caregiver and your sister needs to get out of the house and get fresh air daily not just work ..people need to pull resources together and pay for the home care from private organizations. If your mother is going into a "palliative" stage your doctor might be able to get you a night nurse. I hope that you can get more help in and wish you well. Post mom's dying my sister who lived with her said "I wish she were here and that I rather have her yelling at me all day than to not have her here at qll".
It helps if someone is in the same room. But day znd night unless he is sleeping. He'll constantly and you what do I do now, say I'm hungry and want something to eat. He isn't on any meds but I do have them give him an natural over the counter pill to help him sleep called melatonin to help.
My suggestion is try to keep your mom awake more so by night she's more apt to be tired enough to fall asleep.
Also, I would get her off tge pills that dope her up where you can't let it be known that you have to go to the potty.
Your Sister can't do it alone! Even with the virus, she still needs to hire Caregivers. Just make sure they don't also work in Nursing Homes and that they wear masks and stay their distance whenever possible.
Your sister should also install a camera in the main rooms the mom is in. I used Nest Cameraso which are pretty easy to install and hook up and now I'm able to check in on my Dad 24 7 with my Cell phone or Computer.
TRyan leaving a light or night light on at night, yry playing soothing music, try leaving the TV on for company, try getting your mom a lap animal real or stuffed to pet.
Prayers
There are numerous options with depression and anxiety meds these days. It’s trial and error sometimes to find one that works with the least amount of side effects. Inform her doctors about the problem and they can prescribe something else.
It would give all concerned some rest and peace of mind.
Sleep is so important for a caregiver already stressed out with responsibilities (we know). This is a difficult situation to be in.
"Being" in a consciousness of compassion will help / support all involved.
Your sister does need help. Talk to her about accepting the help again. Even more than previously if finances allow
You could actually take a shift and watch your mom while sis tries to get some rest or has an important call. You can call sis should you think mom needs her.
My cousin did this when she and her parents had Covid. She was sleep deprived and so exhausted with the Covid. Her dad would sometimes get up to go to the bathroom (only he wouldn’t be in the bathroom) so her sister would call her when dad started to get up. It was a desperate time for them. No caregivers would come into a Covid house. The cameras helped.