Dr, family, friends cannot persuade her. She insists that everyone is just wrong, and that she only has some age related memory problems. I cannot get her to take any action necessary to manage her affairs, and she is increasingly angry that people are bypassing her and talking directly to me. I have been staying with her since August and have resigned myself to the idea that I must remain with her. One of the many problems is that I am still paying for an apartment in another state where I was living, and I am afraid to leave her alone while I go wrap up what had been my life, and collect my car and other stuff. I have no friends or local support, and my inability to cope with the stresses of trying to care for someone that resents all my efforts is taking a substantial toll on my own health. I thought about petitioning for guardianship, but quite frankly, I cannot afford the legal fees. Any thoughts or ideas about how I can create an anchor point so that I can begin to help her and myself will be greatly appreciated. I am feeling overwhelmed and helpless.
First, see what you would have to prove and if you can prove it. Some courts don't just rely on memory, but the person's ability to function in the house without assistance.
Also, ask about attorney fees with the lawyer. In some states, the person who petitions the court may get reimbursed their legal fees if they prevail in court and the person who is deemed incompetent can afford to pay. Does your mom have available funds?
Lastly, in some states, if you do not want to be the guardian, you can request that some other person be appointed and even ask the court to use someone on their pre-approved list. (It's often an attorney who had special training and knows what they are doing.)
Other than obtaining the ability to act on her behalf, I'm not sure what you can do. It's a tough and stressful situation to not be able to protect her and to advocate on her behalf. She is at risk of losing insurance coverage for nonpayment, utility cut off, paying late fees, fines,and interest and even suffering from financial fraud.
I wish you the best.
Staying with an aging parent can often times be a total disaster, especially when it comes to dementia. It's not a good idea sometimes. You have to be really honest & aware of what the care work will really entail, and if you want to take that on full time plus. If you wouldn't choose to move into a dementia unit yourself, then think about what life will be like once you've turned her or your home into one.
Maybe a better way to reframe that is to say mom can't live alone anymore. What are other options? Lots!
It's a fantasy these days to think that by moving in, you will save any money. That is a total myth. You'll pay and you'll pay dearly. Your money isn't involved in funding care for mom, so avail yourself of what this site has to offer in the way of instructions and tips to obtain and pay for different care options.
In my opinion - the only things you "have" to do are to ensure your mom is safe, clean, fed, gets adequate medical care, and that YOU have a place to rest and find respite from all of this.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.