i am living with my mother and she has some health issues and but one just sticks out too far she is lazy she asks me to get her this get her that she will not let me sleep and I have been cussing and yelling and I can not seem to stop and she threatens to take my stuff away I am 36 years old also having some health issues and I can not take this any more and I am tired of helping her a lot I mean I do not mind but it is always all the time and she won't let up and back down and so I can not reason with her and I need to be alone what can I do my stepdad he does not live with us but he comes over every weekend and she does not ask him to get her things it's always me and so yea I am tired what can I do
You certainly need some form of mediation so you can both speak freely without it escalating into a full blown argument (this is me who has a vile temper speaking so I do KNOW the difficulty that that causes) but perhaps there is a family member who can assist in that.
The one thing that does need to be emphasised (actually two things) are these.
A) If she doesn't use the faculties she has they will disappear - Use it or Lose it scenario
and
B) If she does lose her capability and you become ill from taking on too much who is going to do the caring then? because it ain't gonna be you!
Now on to her behaviour - DONT RUN TO HER BECK AND CALL
Let her rant but just walk away (preferably somewhere far enough that she can't hear you scream!) Get a lock fitted to your door and store your stuff away from her hands - you MUST have some privacy at your age.
If she draws you into an argument hold tight and repeat the same refusal word for word over and over and when it gets too much walk away. Speak softly and slowly to demonstrate to her that she is not getting to you. I am not going to do this Mum because you can, and it is either use it or lose it - keep repeating it in full cracked record mode and see what happens. You may be surprised.
Good luck hun you are going to need all your strength to keep it up but eventually it will hopefully pay dividends assuming she doesn't have a dementia - if she does then all bets are off, because you can rarely reason with people who have a dementia (depending of course on how advanced it is)
Why does your stepfather only come on weekends? That is an unusual marriage.
If it's just discord between the two of you, I'd try to get some help laying some ground rules with a counselor, if you have access. If the two of you have longstanding issues, I would think that an unbiased third party might be needed to bring you two together. If that's not possible, then, I'd consider getting your own place. Some people just don't function well under the same roof. If you stay, you may have to just develop a lot of patience and put up with her, since it is her house.
Really, it is up to you. If you want her to get motivated, get better, have a nicer life; and if you want to have your own life and a peaceful, loving, mature relationship with your mother; then you have to make the changes happen.
So, the simplest and most certain way would be to move out. There might be other changes you could make, though - can you think of any?