Even bad-mouthing me to my sisters. I've given a tremendous amount of time and effort to my parents, with my Mother undoing much of the work I've put in, such as cancelling appointments and not telling me, denying it, and saying "we don't need all of this". When we get to appointments, I find them cancelled.
Today, over the phone, she thought she was speaking with one of my sisters when she said that I am difficult to deal with. Hurt and angry, I told her she was speaking with me. She laughed... I said good bye and hung up.
I can deal with my father, but my mother has never been co-operative, and I am burnt out because of her.
She does have dementia, but has always been manipulative and critical. I don't have the patience required to deal with this.
How can I balance caring for my father with my mother's interference?
Still, it hurts. Must let it go, right now, don't stew about it or even rehearse it. It is the disease, not her, not your mom.
My mother is my father's primary caregiver, but she is grossly incapable, forgetting to give him critical meds on time. I was calling with a reminder everyday, but Mom's attitude got so nasty that the frustration began cutting into my work performance, I stopped calling.
We do need to have someone stopping in to check that the meds are administered properly and on time, but this requires paying someone daily which long-term care insurance does not cover.
It's difficult having my mother stand in the way of my father receiving proper care. I do wish that they get into assisted living SOON so the burden will be lifted somewhat from me and my sister.
I really though my parents would be safer with 24-hour caregiver service, Dad loves it, but not Mom.... so I am slowly cutting back the hours. Mom thinks I can come over to help, but that's not happening, not in my own elder stage of life :P
Yes, 2tents, my Mom's attitude also got so nasty with the Caregivers, even insulting them.... guess she's voicing her inner Donald :)
How I wish my parents would also go into sometime a retirement facility as this is slowly cutting my life short.
Whenever I was at my parents house my Mom became very rude to the Caregivers, like I mentioned earlier voicing her inner Donald.... like "is the fat one staying overnight?"..... oh dear, how embarrassing, but the Caregiver just smiled and took it in stride, in fact she put her finger to her lips to let me know don't say anything back to my mother.
But she said my Mom was last evening, in fact offering supper to the Caregiver plus breakfast. The Caregiver learned quickly not to help out with the cooking unless she saw something heavy Mom was lifting. Now, this is what the Caregiver was saying, don't know how true or to make me feel better.
The caregivers are saying that my Mom doesn't want to lose her independence, that it is her job to make meals and feed her husband, and to wash their own clothes. It would take a team of wild horses to get my Mom to move out of that house. And since my parents are still of clear mind, there isn't much I can do.
Read all you can about dementia on this site. I know it seems like your mom is now acting in a way that reminds you of your worst 8 year old self, and would have gotten you sent to your room or worse, but it's really the disease.
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