My mother has undiagnosed dementia. What can I do to get her diagnosed?

I take it you don't have power of attorney?

You CAN let your mom's doctor know what your observations are. Write up a concise precis of what's going on and mail or fax them. Her doctor can't divulge any information to you, but you can report what's up.

You can also call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask for a wellness check. They may be able to convince her to see a doctor.

I understand your anxieties about your mother's accusations and its potential impact on you professionally.

But for heaven's sake. Your mother is mismanaging her money, mislaying her possessions, becoming fearful and increasingly vulnerable - and you're worried about protecting you?

Talk to the police, and ask them to make their records of her complaint available to APS. Write a summary of your concerns and forward it to APS and to your mother's MD - you don't need her permission to do that, as BB correctly points out. Recording all contact with your mother is one way of covering your behind, fair enough; but do maintain that contact.

You say these things have started happening recently. How old is your mother, and what is her general state of health? The compelling reason to force the issue of a health check is that it could be a form of dementia, in which case she needs support anyway; or it could be some other, potentially treatable condition causing this behaviour, in which case it needs nipping in the bud. Is there any reason for your mother to leap to the most frightening conclusion, such as family history or an unpleasant experience?

I went through a similar experience with my own grandmother, my wife's grandmother, and my own mother over the past 35 years. The course to the eventual institutionalization of each was different for each. For example, the Baker Act mentioned by someone else is specific to Florida. Each state will have its own rules for involuntary commitment, provided you cannot convince your mother to cooperate. As an RN, you are in theory better equipped than most, and it is possible that a family "intervention" may convince her to cooperate.

Contact the local aging services agency in your mother's state of residence and find out your options. If any siblings or other family members are involved, get them on board too, as it important that the family be united. You can provide information to her physician, if she has one, but don't expect any return information due to HIPAA. You almost certainly will need to get her evaluated by a physician at some point in order to establish the diagnosis. EMS is an option if she is an immediate threat to herself or others, but they may not transport her if she is reasonably rational up their arrival and refuses assistance. If she has made no prior provisions in terms of powers of attorney (both general durable and medical POAs) you may well have to go to court to seek guardianship. Expect that all this will take several weeks, at a minimum, or months if you need to go to court.

I went through something very similar. I wouldn't worry about the accusations, my mom called the local police for years - it's very common in the elder community and most health professionals and local law enforcement are familiar with this behavior. When I called the police, they knew exactly who my mom was - "oh yeah, the lady on .... Ave". Contact the local agency for the aging, her doctor, the local police. That will be documentation to show you have her best interests at heart.

Don't argue with her, don't try to reason with her. It won't work. Get that diagnosis first. Where my mom lived, the local hospital did geriatric assessments, it took me awhile, but I finally got her in. I had to trick her - she wasn't feeling well and I told her I wanted her to meet a friend of mine that was a nurse. It worked.  Find out what organizations provide this service, a geriatric care manager may be able to help.

So sorry, you have to go through this.  It's going to be a long road please take advantage of all the resources out there to help you.

Dontask4handout is correct! I have seen predatory guardianship and it is more prevalent than people realize! At all costs, it is best (in my opinion) to keep the courts out of the vulnerable adult's life. The vulnerable adult will become lost in the process and really is not protected at all. Unless there is a lack of food, unsanitary conditions or a bruise on the vulnerable adult, APS (adult protective services) will be of no help. (Sorry my comments are regarding dontask4handout rather than the RN directly.)
As for the RN, let your mom's doctor know what is happening with your mother. When you see her, always have someone with you so you have a witness to the visit and what happened. Document all your financial transactions regarding your mother and keep a clean paper trail. Place the jewelry and valuable in a locked safety box. Good luck.

You need to start with a neurologist, who will also refer you to a neuropsychologist. Call immediately for an appt because they have long waits

Since she is refusing to see a doctor and obviously *not* capable of making rational decisions--so you will have to talk to your family and take the initiative and get her Baker Acted. Take her to the Emergency Room. ..if she refuses call EMS or the police and tell them of her irrational behavior *and* she's living alone. Who knows they may be able to manage her behavior with medication--*BUT* if successful will she be compliant. It's going to be a matter of time she will have to be medically managed--someone will have to take care of her or impounded in a facility. If you take care of her you will have to quit your job since you are talking about around-the-clock. I recommend a facility--caring for her will require support of friends who will watch over her while you work--hiring sitters are expensive. Sitters alone cost about $20 an hour. Hands on care like a CNA costs even more.  You get NO HELP from the government. None. Impound her or you will lose your own life.

I live in Oregon..........dad's primary car doc said beginning of alzheimers, he should not manage money, he can't use the remote, or have one cup of coffee. He is 96 - I was the successor trustee from 16 years ago and dad and I always got along..."until" a predatory lady changed his accounts out of the trust and put things into his brain that "I" was not to be trusted.....yes paranoia (common) . And, the attorney that "she" found canceled his capacity check two days before the apt. In Oregon there is a 2-4 month waiting list for a geriatric psychiatrist. She and this attorney rewrote the trust....and she knew him for only one month one month. My problem. But APS did a visit and dad just nodded his said and said he wants his sweetheart...(didn't work) I got an attorney for conservatorship - she physically fought him off. (didn't work)

Depending on your judge in your county a doc report might work - but our judge here needed a "geriatric psychiatrist" and nothing else. I agree, don't count on APS or the government....unless there a third party that might sneek in with fraud.

I would try to get a pill into the mix.......antianxiety or something appropriate.....the past memories of her might make her very possessive and suspicious. Even memories before you were born - my dad lived through the depression.

I wasted 15,000 on an attorney but since she was using dad's money she did not have to pay - just feed him suspicious comments about his daughter. Painful because I have never asked for money and supported myself all my life. Past collage I never asked for anything.

Good luck............this is common but difficult..............

My brothers and I are living this exact scenario right now. My parents live in Florida and the "authorities" have been little help. The doctors there are reluctant to anonymously report anything about driving or to help. My theory is that with so many older people as patients, they don't want a reputation for reporting anyone. They would lose patients!

I reported my mother to the state and to the department of motor vehicles. She takes enough medicines to get a DWI anytime. They did revoke her license. As far as helping us get guardianship that would enable us to take care of our mother and father, they couldn't help. To take control over a person's rights, the investigator from the state said the older person has to be living in squalor and be oblivious to who she is and where she is. It was quite frustrating.

We were trying to control the speeding train before the big crash. Apparently, we have to wait until they are on fire and in distress.

Also, the process of getting guardianship in Florida? Could cost as much as $25-$30,000. Once reported, we would have an attorney. A doctor and attorney would be appointed to my father and another set to my mother. Everyone has to be paid. Then, if the parents continue to resist, there are more trips to court. The investigator from the state of Florida said she hasn't seen the process work very often.

It sounds like you've taken the first step in the right direction. Given your situation, I personally would not see her at all. What you're describing sounds like my foster dad before he was finally caught and put under a court ordered guardianship that actually turned out to be predatory abusive guardianship. What I would do is see if someone can go for guardianship, that's the only way you're going to be able to get more involved.

As for the money, it's really not a good idea to write checks anymore or to even carry cash. Just gain access to the account enough to set up online auto bill pay from your end with the help of the bank.

As for the jewelry, I would put it in a bank safety deposit box for her so it can never get lost again. These safety deposit boxes may be free for customers, at least they are at my bank last I knew. Definitely check into a safety deposit box and keep all of her stuff there.

Another thing I would do is either call or pay a visit to whoever issued your license and tell them what's going on, but you'll probably need the help of an eldercare lawyer on your side. You should also be able to speak privately with your boss with any witnesses you have who are with you when you visit your mom. Take them with you where applicable. Also alert the cops in your area to what's going on in case she one day decides to call them. See if you can speak with the chief of police, they will probably be your best bet and can alert all the other officers to what's going on. At least if you give everyone a heads up through the police chief, at least the right people will know what's going on before something has a chance to happen. Getting the right people involved ahead of time is in your favor. I wish I only knew the ropes better before I was faced with a similar situation of my own. Learning from my own hindsight is how I can guide you because I wish I knew then what I know now and I wish I would've thought of all of this much sooner. At least when dad put me on his account, I knew enough to set up online auto bill pay. One good thing for sure is he always carried a nice wad of cash on him, it was his norm to withdraw cash each month, so nothing really came of it when cash was withdrawn each month, it was his norm and something we just did until there came a time when something happened and it was interrupted. We didn't know what was really going on and if anyone tried to get a hold of him and contact him about a pending case regarding him, he never said nothing about it. That's why neither of us saw it coming when something was going on in the background but we didn't know what was disrupting our usual norm. We just tried the best we could to go on with our usual lives as we always did until respiratory illness put him in the hospital and a court ordered guardianship came out of nowhere and put him in the nursing home is Alzheimer's ward where abuse was discovered and as soon as it was reported, I was cut off from ever seeing my foster dad after reporting what I saw going on. I now think he saw something coming before I did because he looked an elderly friend in the eye and firmly told him to take care of me. I think he knew something we didn't because that day shortly after dad told my elderly friend to take care of me, I was called a side but not without my friend right there to witness what was really said so at least I had a witness. That's when I was told that dad's guardian said I was no longer allowed to see him. It was right after I reported the abuse I witnessed against another patient. As soon as I went to try to talk to the guardian about what was going on, she would not even talk to me anymore after milking me for information. Had I only known what was really coming, I never would've been so helpful. Next time I won't be so helpful in sharing information. Sometimes giving too much information can have negative consequences as I found out. She got what she wanted out of me only to cut me off from my foster dad. This is a form of isolation that is clearly described in other nightmare videos on YouTube regarding predatory abusive guardianship. They target people with money and rip them away from everyone they know and love and stick them in strange surroundings and cut them off from people they know and love. Yes, this is a sign of obvious abuse with an agenda. Isolation of the victim, cutting them off from friends and family. Yep, there's abuse going on in the nursing home and the guardian is right behind it and when you get abusive nursing home staff and a corrupt court ordered guardian together, there's a recipe for disaster. I think people knew they couldn't mess with me, and once you see send someone else being abused, if you happen to be at abuse survivor yourself, you must speak up. Once you see something, you can never unsee it because it sticks with you, especially when you yourself have already experienced years of abuse at some point in your life. You automatically know what to look for but you must be the kind of person who advocates for others, and being cut off from my foster dad actually interrupted being able to advocate what was going on in that nursing home. I think they knew if I caught them abusing my foster dad that there would be serious trouble because I would've stepped in and beat the crap out of them if they ever touched my dad and I saw it