My Mother in Law (85) has been accusing me of theft, she stares at me, shaking her head then walks around mumbling to herself its so sad she(meaning me) she is stealing from my room. I told my husband about this, he says he has not heard her say it but she had been yelling the same thing to me in the past where he did hear it. I think he is unsure of what to do or afraid she will be angry. She did pass a written test for dementia, but I still think she has it. Is accusing family of theft common with dementia? I have not noticed memory loss with her, but I am concerned about this. She has a new Dr that she is seeing next week but if this is not addressed, I am sure this will continue, I am at a loss, her accusations are false and I want to confront her about it.
Any advice?
Thanks
I think those written dementia tests miss a lot of things. My mom can pass a lot of things but she lives with me and I KNOW that she has some pretty big deficits in some areas. But since she can do well on the things she has been tested on (had OT after her knee for memory issues) and they told her how great she's doing, she thinks she's doing fine. Yikes. She's really bad at complicated things - can't do her bills consistently or handle her meds, etc. Or make plans or figure out multi-step activities.
Anyhow, don't confront your mom. Give a pleasant, vague answer to her accusations. And move on to something else.
Banging drawers - can you put felt pads or something in there to make the drawers not able to be slammed or it will at least lessen the noise level?
Family often notice things way before tests do.
"Is accusing family of theft common with dementia?"
Yes. Big time.
"I have not noticed memory loss with her, but I am concerned about this".
Memory loss is a common flag for dementia, but any change of behaviour like you mentioned is a concern. Dementia is not only memory loss, some types show deficits in reasoning or emotional response like fear & paranoia first.
Definately get a full medical review, firstly to rule things. Secondly to get as good a diagnosis as you can - by a specialist in geriatrics, not just a dementia label slapped on by a GP.
My late MIL exhibited some of this behavior leading up to the final years of her life. She was not ever violent however. My husband was her only child and she lived 6 hours away. We moved her to a facility close to us and visited. She wasn't happy but then she wasn't happy with aides who came for 4 hours a day to help. The final straw was her bank telling my husband she was coming in numerous times a day to ask their help with her checkbook and her minister being called by her neighbor and finding her naked with pills strewn all about.
Speaking from experience Drs don't always get it right! Take your mom to a Neuropsych for testing! There just might be an unlined condition as well.
There are others who can help you better than I can!
Best of luck to you!