She stopped cooking for herself months ago, uses walker, and lives on second floor, so she crawls up the stairs. Tried three years ago to get her into senior citizen high rise, she refused, it was a done deal. Her two sons are incapable of taking care of her for they have their own medical issues they are dealing with also the homes are two stories and would need constant help. I know she is nursing home medically eligible, for I worked in that field for 34 years. How do I go about handling this sticky situation. She is nasty and uncooperative and we live two states away.
This situation sounds exceptionally dire and I am really surprised that action has not been taken earlier, quite frankly.
Her sons sound rather selfish. Clearly considering options for their mother's care should have been discussed and planned for MANY years ago. You sound like you are the only one in the family who has any degree of a moral compass.
Assume you've had conversations with her and it is understandable she doesn't want to go to a NH if she is still functional and just needs minimal assistance with meals and activities. There should be alternatives.
If you can't go in person, then call her local center for aging or senior services and ask their advice. A geriatric case manager or APS may need to be called in especially if eviction is in play. Regardless, they should still be alerted to her situation.