Looking for suggestions. MIL has severe anemia, osteoporosis (5 vertabrae have broken so far) thalasemia and mild/moderate dementia. This week she had Reclast infusion after recently the 5th vertabrae broke. Refusing, complaining, objecting, sullen but submitted. Now the DR says she needs another iron infustion because her ferritin reserves are extrememly low. How much explanation is in line? I usually explain once (she will ask 100 times)and then I've begun to say, "Your son loves you very much and you can trust him. He will take good care of you. If the doctor and he tell you you need this, please listen to them. Otherwise you will get very sick." I just keep repeating it. She cannot comprehend an explanation it seems. Is this appropriate? Would it be better to try to keep explaining?Any suggestions on how to get her to the doctor with so much drama and trauma?
Now, about getting her to the doctor without a major meltdown. After many months of battles to get Mom out the door for anything, I made an important discovery -- it isn't going out that upsets her, it's PREPARING to go out. So now I have completely eliminated that process. I simply get her cleaned up as if it were a routine day. Then when it's time to go, I inform her we have things to do. We get her purse and out the door we go. Most times it's just to the library or brief shopping and if there's an appointment then I drive there without prior discussion. When she asks why we are there, I tell her the doctor said to come in. I answer reasonable questions but do not get drawn into an argument.
Another event that used to get Mom all rattled is if someone is coming to visit. She would obsess about it from the time I told her. So now I don't tell her, even if it's a visit from one of my sisters who both live out of town. I wait until they pull into the driveway and then say, Oh look who's here!
An important thing is to come from a position of confidence and your MIL will pick up on that. Blessings to you in these challenging circumstances.
I make sure to tell my mother she looks great and beautiful almost daily - because, surprisingly, she does! :-) This makes her smile. When hospice comes in, I let Mom know the nurse is checking her vitals to make sure all is good so she does not have to go to the hospital.
I tell him remember when you said "this will hurt me worse than you" and then you spanked me? well, you lied. Im gonna spank you and its gonna feel really good to me! and ill start laughing and he starts laughing. I find myself deliberately acting like a kid, but quietly getting my way. As long as he Thinks he is in control, we're fine. Sometimes he says "why do we have to do that"? and I'll say dad, its up to you. If you say no, we wont do it. (This doesn't work with keys). And then, if he doesn't want to, we just wont. Dangerous? He's 91. I figure he's earned the right to be his own boss.....
You're right. With my father, it worked to let him know plans at the last minute. These were "optional" excursions, so if he dug his heels in, I would just give in. If I gave him more than 1/2 hour to fret, he would always refuse to go.
Maybe I should even step back on that and let nature take its course.
See All Answers