My MIL had rectal bleeding took her to the doctor yesterday and after a rectal exam the doctor found a large mass that he said he was pretty sure was cancer. She has an appointment tomorrow for a biopsy. She is in pretty good health especially for 90. I am hoping if it is cancer the doctor will give my husband the right advice for treatment. My husband's mother unlike my mom has always been pretty healthy. She was just in the hospital about a month ago for the first time since my husband was born and he is 60 for a blood clot in her lung they put her on blood thinners and also a statin drug that is the only medication she takes. Her short term memory is not good at all, but she still piddles in the yard (she lives next door to us) and is very pleasant all the time. My husband thinks since she is still active that surgery should be an option I on the other hand think that quality time is important and have seen with my on mom that the healing process is hard on the elderly and I found with my mom that every surgery took more away.
Any experiences from you guys with surgery at 90 ? I know I am assuming the worst but the doctor seemed pretty positive by the size and feel of the mass and he did schedule the biopsy quick.
My mom is still in the NH cannot walk her mind is going at a rapid rate I would not wish that on anyone. My experience and perception is very different from my husbands, but I do know it is their decision or his I am not sure how much his mom retains when told.
If it were my dad I wouldn't encourage him to have the test done to begin with. A 90 year old does not bounce back after anesthesia. And what if it is cancer? Is this old woman going to have chemo or radiation? Of course not! I'd skip the test altogether, thank the Dr. for the information, and move on.
The rule in geriatrics, I'm told is: If you're not going to do the treatment, don't do the test. Especially if the test if painful. 18 months ago, someone wanted my 89 year old mom to have a bone marrow biopsy. We ended up doing a full body CAT scan instead. We were most assuredly NOT going to do any surgery, chemo or radiation.
Get a second opinion from an elder specialist, and the 3 of you decide, including your MIL as much as possible.
If it were my dad I wouldn't encourage him to have the test done to begin with. A 90 year old does not bounce back after anesthesia. And what if it is cancer? Is this old woman going to have chemo or radiation? Of course not! I'd skip the test altogether, thank the Dr. for the information, and move on.
My mother had dementia and it is my understanding that every surgery causes some cognitive decline. My mother sworn her entire life that every surgery she underwent took away a piece of her mental abilities and she said she never felt like she gained it back.
You understand what his mother is facing because you experience it with your mother currently. He is not seeing it, what he sees is losing his mother, which he will eventually, but he does not want to do it now. This is a hard decision to make because she is in relatively good health now but that will not always be the case. I think he needs to talk to the doctor about pros and cons, talk to his mother and talk to all siblings, there needs to be a consensus among everyone.
Who is her POA? Putting the Directives into action can be painful but they are your MIL's wishes. When they pass away due to whatever the illness may be, you still feel guilty, but if you have everyone on the same page, it makes it all so much easier.
God Bless You All!
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