She will not admit that anything is amiss. Sometimes her clothing smells of mildew, too. When she visited us recently, she would pee all over the toilet seat. She insists that she is just fine, she lives in a huge house that she refuses to leave, and she still drives. She also refuses to get a medical alert device. What should I do? Write a letter to her doctor?
Would she allow a maid to come into her home to help keep it clean? Even a warm house shouldn't be mildewed. It sounds like she isn't keeping it clean enough. It is hard to figure out what to do. As long as they're legally competent, we can't force anything onto them. We just have to wait for an opening.
Get a dehumidifier that will remove moisture from the air so that mildew, mold will not continue.
If you see any you must have it removed or you can do it if it is not an overwhelming problem.
The presence of mold can cause medical problems so use that method to talk to her about this.
LIKE...
We need to take care of this now before it gets worse, if the problem continues you will not be able to live her because it will be dangerous for you health.
This is your MIL..it might be best if some of this comes from her Son if he is able.
The note you want to write to her Doctor might also bear more weight if it came from her Son but if he can not a letter from you might give him a bit of insight.
Does she have someone that is designated POA for Health and Financial?
If not and she will not do that you will have 2 courses of action.
Do nothing until a "catastrophic" event forces action.
or
See a lawyer, go to court, declare her incompetent and assume Guardianship.
Neither is a great way to enter into this "care-giving" role
At that point you must decide will she live with you or go into Assisted Living.
That is a whole 'nuther discussion.
This, combined with the 3 aerosol deodorizers that go off "automatically" and several open jars of "room freshener" PLUS 2 cockatiels in a cage that hasn't been cleaned in 6 months, wet depends in the trash at all times--make for a pungent visit. Mother may also not do the laundry correctly and there may also be the smell of mildew. She had a pipe leaking for months before she noticed it (somebody else noticed it, actually). Mildew needs constant moisture.
A good cleaning never hurt anyone--and the mildew can actually ruin structures, so you need to address that.
I would LOVE for mother to allow ANYONE to clean for her. Most of her apt is so hoarded you just cannot GET to the places to clean. She recently refused ANY type of in home care, so she is doing for herself. She says her 17 yo granddaughter gets paid to clean, but she cleans like a 17 yo--badly.
A service that will do top to bottom twice a month would be best. Find the source of the mildew smell and remediate that and you should be OK.
As this is your MIL, the suggestions should come from somebody who is NOT an in law. Unless you have a fabulous relationship with her. Good luck.
My personal favorite! Followed by outright ignoring any suggestions you try to make things better. I'm fine! I don't need (fill in the blanks) What smell? Nothing is wrong! I did not! Arrrrrggghhh. The never ending battle of wills when you try to help them out. Even letters from doctors can be ignored unless you have been named as the one "legally responsible" for her health, well being. My Mom is stubborn, always has been but she has become WORSE! I just don't have the energy to argue on every score anymore. Wish I had a magic answer for you but everyday I am the crocodile's dentist.
Could just be mom isn't completely drying her clothing or she's letting it sit too long in the washer before drying it. My daughter lived in Houston and if you left wet laundry for more than a few hours, it would begin to mildew. The smell cannot be removed w/o a re-wash. I notice Mother is getting "sloppy" with her laundry (the ONE task she still can do) and forgets to put vinegar in her final rinse. All her clothes smell strongly of urine. So she sprays on more cologne.
And there is that "old person smell" which thankfully, neither of my lovely grandmothers got--but it's a combination of fusty old furniture, urine, dirty dishes, an unclean kitchen. personal hygiene slipping and unopened windows.
Have you noticed any problems with the fabric of the house apart from the odour?
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