We bought a bigger house in FL She and her husband moved with us and everybody was happy until recently that her doctor sent her to take some test to detect alzimer or dementia. She took a couple and now she doesnt want to continue the tests or even go to the doctor anymore. Her other children support her decision (over the phone conversationvery sporadically) but they dont even come to visit her. How can we encoourage her to go back to her doctor?
You apparently already know that she has dementia. Are the further tests to try to determine what kind of dementia it is? That can be useful to you, to know more what to expect, and it can help ensure she does not take drugs that are bad for her particular kind of dementia.
Several things can help in the treatment of dementia: Drugs, staying healthy (nutrition, hydration, etc.), exercise, and how the caregivers interact with the patient. The only one of these impacted by further testing would be drugs. You can manage the others without an official diagnosis or knowing the likely type of dementia.
Frankly, the dementia drugs available now are not so hot. None of them "slows the progression of the disease." Some don't help some people at all. Some help with the current symptoms (which is very worthwhile!). I am highly in favor of trying the drugs, but that can be done without further testing, too.
If you cannot convince MIL to do further testing, I suggest avoiding the drugs that are known to be detrimental in some kinds of dementia (haldol is the most common) and learn all you can about caregiving people who have dementia. You can do just fine without the testing, if need be.
Let her know that there are medications now that will slow the progression of Alzheimer's and wouldn't she be interested in that kind of medication if she had Alzheimer's?
Why did she discontinue with her testing? Did she become afraid? Did she go into denial?
Since her adult children supported her decision in quitting her testing can you appeal to them to please encourage her to continue? How about a nice, pleasant, non-confrontational email to the adult children asking that they please see if they can get your mom to go back to the Dr.
If your MIL is found to have Alzheimer's she can be put on medication that will likely make her life easier for a while. Without the diagnosis and medication she's bound to struggle. If she had, for example, heart disease or kidney disease wouldn't she want to get a diagnosis and be put on medication to treat the disease? What's so different about Alzheimer's? It's a brain disease and there is medication available.
If you all have been talking to her about this for a while now I'd back off a little, let her think. Don't push her. Then decide upon when to discuss it with her again and pick your time carefully. But know that if she does make the decision to go back that's only half the battle. Actually getting her there is another hurdle.
Taking cognitive tests when your brain is broken must be agonizing. Those tests are hard on a good day for people with all their faculties. By design, they have to include what you don't know, so most people who are tested end up feeling defeated in some way.