somebody please tell me how to adress this as i am very sensitive to smells, We have asked his mother NOT to smoke in the house. she smokes outside on the front porch and teh smoke just goes into the house anyway, Now she has taken to smokin in the garage. With the door open a bit on the bottom and the friggin door to the house wide open. My air conditioner goes NON stop. i have asked a million times to keep that door cold because the ac goes out the door and cools the rest of the house to the point its freezing in here. Then she will come in and say its cold . NO DUH. So back to the smoking. now she is sneaking upstairs and smoking in the bathroom ! MY house, brand new car , husands truck all smell like ciggarett smoke, We are in the process of selling the house and going to move to exclusive apartments . I am sick to my stomach to think that within a week that will smell like smoke too, Its gotten to the point where i am just depressed about everything and i dont even care if we move or not because i know she is just going to RUIN my new apartment too with the damn ciggaretts. i dont know what to do . i hate my life right now . and i get NO help from hubby about her . and its HIS mother.
The sad truth is that you are probably not going to be able to reason with her or teach her new behavior. Not because she is stubborn or doesn't care about your wishes (although those things might also be true -- I sure don't know) but because her ability to reason and to learn is impaired. She has defects in her brain.
My mother has smoked for 78 years and has no interest in giving it up. But as it became clear that she could not live on her own much longer, and when all the decent ALFs we looked at had no smoking policies, we had her try out e-cigarettes. WooHoo! Worked like a charm. She is confused about them sometimes, and would try to light them with a match if she could find matches, but they seem to satisfy her addiction, give her something to do with her hands, and generally make her feel like things are "normal." But they don't stink up the house, burn holes in the carpet or chairs, and risk a fire.
They require charging and I don't think she could manage that and it might have been a tough solution to implement in an ALF. But as it turned out, she moved into my sister's non-smoking home and it is working out fine. She visits my non-smoking home one weekend a month, and I am truly grateful I don't have to deal with the issue you describe.
Do you think your MIL would try the "new fangled re-usable smokes"? My mom didn't care for them immediately but since smoking is an addiction and that is what she had on hand she kept trying them. She has no problem with them now. (She is nearly 93, with moderate dementia.)
Some people have suggested this model for the smoker who won't stop smoking in the house. If she's not able to make good decisions on her own -- and it sounds like she may not be -- then that might work. Personally, I would try for the e-cigarettes, since they don't have a smell and aren't trailing nicotine into the house on their hands and clothing.
Do you make idle threats about leaving but do not follow through? Calm down become clear and focused and set your limits and FOLLOW THROUGH. This is a tough one, been going on for years..People need to respect one another when living together. Don't react just act. You can do this without sarcasm or yelling.
Make your plan and carry it out. Good Luck.
My advice, as a smoker who will never quit, is to make a special place for your MIL to smoke. Keep her cigs so you know when she wants one, and escort her to where you want her to be. Make her comfortable, with a chair and a place with a book or something else she can do. Winter, the garage works nicely, although make sure she wears warm clothing, so you can shut the door to the house. In the summer, make a shaded place outside, so not even the garage is smoky.
My mother didn't want me smoking in her house when I stayed with her, so I went outside. I have consideration for others who don't want the health risk, etc. But, I also made sure I had a comfortable place to go, especially if I stayed overnight and wanted my coffee and cig in the morning.
Plus, if you make it into a nice time for MIL, with you acting as if her needs are important to you, you just might get her following the rules better. Those who do not smoke do not understand, truly, why we keep doing it. And, as the old saying goes, if I have to explain it, you really wouldn't understand anyway.
Other than that, my advice is to place her where she can have that smoke. My mother's NH allowed it outside. There are places that do. You may have to look around, though. Good luck.
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