She switches things with old or broken or bigger sizes, and says we have conversations we don't. She once accused me of stealing a bathroom rack and insisted on having a conversation with our cousin about it and he told her they never had one, and another time said me or my daughter took her pants she is alot bigger then me and my daughter and said she remembers telling me she was going to give me some old pants that dont fit her and i was by the mail box with black jeans on i told her maybe she was thinking to telling me about it but she never did and insist we had that conversation and i told her i dont have a pair of black jeans this is only a little bit of what she has accused people of and she does it to her own kids i am not sure what it is why or what to do? she is in her 60's
Until then, try not to take her accusations personally and try not to argue with her or reason her out of it. Be sympathetic to her without agreeing with her accusations. "Oh, your blue sweater is missing? That is really too bad! It goes so well with so many of your outfits, you must really miss it. It was getting kind of old though. Maybe your recycled it and forgot about it. I'll help you look for it, and if we don't find it, how about we get another blue sweater for you?" In other words, don't agree that the items was stolen, but sympathize with her feelings of loss.
I don't think you are going to solve this without medical help, but you can try to minimize the pain it is causing.
At first, frankly, I thought the lady was bats, but when I walked up to mom, lo and behold, she's wearing a watch she didn't have when she checked in. Oops! So I said, "Mom? Where'd you get that watch?" She looked at the lady and looked at me and said, "Ummm.....I bought it. It's mine."
"Okay, mom. Here's the deal. That's Wanda's watch. Her daughter bought it for her for Mother's Day. If I'da bought you a watch for Mother's Day, you'd feel AWFUL!! if you lost it. Right?"
"Right," she said. She took off the watch and handed it to Wanda.
We determined it had fallen out of her pocket, mom saw it and probably asked an aid to pick it up for her. She's wheelchair bound.
Another lady claimed someone had stolen $500 from her room. I asked her, "Why on EARTH did you have $500 here???"
"For candy," was her straight-faced reply. She'd already gone to the nurse's supervisor. While mom's story is a bit different, I'm gathering elderly people with dementia often have this kind of paranoia.
They lie!! You just gotta' laugh. And take everything they say with a grain of salt.
The general advice to caregivers dealing with a super-paranoid senior is to just keep them calm. It does not matter one iota what the truth really is. Just placate, reassure, and agree if you have to, simply to keep her from getting upset.
There are a lot of great meds for paranoia, hallucinations, and dementia these days that can help make it much better. It may not ever be curred, but these symptoms can be dampened. Good luck & post back!