I have been her primary caregiver, "POA", medical contact, etc - Both parents live together 10 minutes away. Father mentally sharp, but frail. I am also his " medical dictionary", he was raised down south and never had faith in doctors. I am the "translator" for him. He keeps up house and runs necessary errands. Mom now sits in living room with him, doesn't speak to much, no conversations, very weak, stares off or just sleeps. He helps her up to her walker, into kitchen, or bathroom. Makes her meals. Then all over again. This has been 5-8 years now along with- quadruple bi-pass( 4 years ago), Artery and vascular issues legs, blocked arteries, previous strokes,blood clot issues, etc- but to weak to have surgery. Urine and bowel accidents, but wears pull up's - very slow with walker to make it 10 feet to bathroom sometimes. Home health is 2 days a week- the nurse check and therapy one day- home health other day to bathe and help with other denture, toilet, washing, transition, etc. while she is at house. Dad and I want to do everything 24/7 but found out along the way, we can not- my three other siblings, DO NOT go to house too visit, barely call, they just "text" me to check on her STATUS?? ( I am NOT a very nice sister when and if I answer them) -- now her "E.C.T"- therapy treatments she receives once or twice a month- are just "maintenance" sessions. The manic, bi polar, psychotic, medications and "cocktails" docs and neurologists, psychiatrist, psychologist, etc. -have tried over the years and through beginning of this year 2015, do not help her anymore. This is when we found out about this E.C.T therapy treatments. BUT- whats next????
It sounds like your mom's condition requires a lot of work. I can't imagine a frail senior doing all of that. Doing cleanup on a partially incontinent, dementia patient is a huge job. Caring for a dementia patient is also very mentally draining. I would make arrangements for your mom's care, either by outside help doing it around the clock or placing her in an appropriate facility (Memory care or nursing home) so that your father can rest and have some time not working so hard. I'd try to make it clear that he needs it. What he is doing is too much for one person, IMO.
Once her care is arranged, then I would work on making your dad's life as good as possible. You might see if he would like to stay where he is or find an independent living place where he wouldn't have so many chores. It will be a big adjustment I'm sure, but it sounds like you give him a lot of support and he relies on you.
You say she is practically immobile, and barely speaks, I thought anti psychotics are prescribed to help with hallucinations or aggression and other aberrant behaviours. And I'm surprised someone as frail as she seems to be would even be considered for ECT, I understand it is done under general anesthesia? And she has a history of heart problems? Am I missing something here?