My Mother is in a memory care nursing home in VT and my sister has guardianship. I live in Texas and am thinking about bringing my mom into our home thinking she will thrive better in a family setting. How easy is it to get guardianship in Texas? If my wife quits her job to stay with her is she able to get compensated through my mother?
I think it is wonderful that you want your mother to be as happy as possible. Too often we lose the human-ness of the elder with dementia. I am glad that you still see that. If your sister has been with her in VT, I would listen to the things that she says about her condition and work together to accomplish what you feel is best for your mother.
If you'll let us know a bit more about your mother, her history, and why she is in memory care, someone may have ideas about what might be best or possible. The main goal would be to keep your mother as safe and content as possible under unfortunate circumstances.
I'm in favour of home care, it isn't that I disapprove. My major reservation about this move is that you need to look on it as irreversible; but then what happens if you find that it isn't working? You can't just wrap your mother up and post her back to Vermont (? is that right? - I'm not good on states). Do you have a memory care facility near you if it proves impossible to manage at home?
I'm sorry to be negative, but it sounds pretty fraught unless you've got expertise to draw on as well as enthusiasm. Let us know how you're getting on, anyway.
You will also need to make your home elder proof. Is there a bedroom and bath on the main floor? Are there grab bars in the tub/shower and at the toilet? Are the hallways and doorway wide enough for a walker or wheelchair? If you have thick carpeting and padding, that would need to be replaced as it is difficult to walk with a walker on such carpeting. Please note, falls will happen. Are there steps up to the front door or from the garage, if so, a ramp might be needed. The list goes on and on.
Please note that 40% of caregivers die leaving behind the person they were caring. Those are terrible odds. What if something happens to your wife? Would you be willing to quit your job and be your Mother's full-time 168 hour a week caregiver?
These two pieces of information don't go together.
Does your home have other serious illnesses that require skilled nursing care? Cancer? COPD? What?
The usual reasons for placing a nursing home resident in the memory care unit are wandering or very disruptive behavior or behavior that requires addition attention to direct. Does one of those reasons apply to your mother?
How long has your mother been where she now resides?
Living with family can be very successful. And it can be very disastrous. It would help know the medical background a little better to discuss this.
1. Either her dementia is much more advanced than you are being told or
2. Mom is barely into the disease and no wonder she's not thriving in memory care!
The real question is to clarify mom's needs (not necessarily her desires) before you commit to moving her. I think you may need to do some detective work with her doctors. One possible scenario is that mom had a stroke or serious injury, was incompetent temporarily but is now substantially recovered.
Proceed with caution.
See All Answers