My mom (with Dementia/Alzheimers, 87 years old, pretends she is sleeping, and then when we walk by she jumps as if she got startled. It is so obvious that she is pretending. This happens 40 to 50 times a day EVERYDAY!!! It drives my husband nuts. He always turns the TV off when he sees her pretending to be asleep and then she opens her eyes and is really mad that he turned the TV off. I just ignore the behavior, but it does aggravate me. Does anyone else do this, or is she unique with this little habit.
Although it may seem like they are deliberately doing something, it more cases than NOT this is not the case. Even if it were the case, offering a quiet out of the way place for her to watch TV... or even just "to be" may be the solution. Its a fine line between interaction and ignoring them that all caregivers must navigate!
If I 'hovered' around my mother she would tell me to "GO AWAY!" If I left her to her room, she would cry and feel "neglected"! Since I wanted her to feel part of the action, and yet able to feel independent, it was a tight-rope act much of the time.
We ALL need to vent, and if that is the case, post a 'note' that says "I am just venting". That's easy to do! I always try to offer advise that will help the situation, but with Alzheimer's or any dementa "ALL BETS ARE OFF" since the mood can change from one minute to the next.
I would look into checking medications AND the possiblity of a UTI or other imbalance if this is NEW sudden behavior! Hydration is also another issue, so is diet! AND... don't forget to try to include them in activities that actual keep them "up and around"!
Clearly this could be just someone looking for attention (it happens a lot) or it could be the sign of something else. WE have to be proactive when we notice something changing. They can't change their behavior, WE can! God Bless, and hopefully I won't be chastised for speaking frankly!
Yes, just say venting. We all do this and it surely helps. I couldn't agree with you more on your 4th paragraph. We have experienced 4 mood changes already today and it isn't even noon.
Also, I am not one to "sugar coat" anything. Facts are facts and I commend you for speaking frankly. I know it helps me.
Also, just wanted to say one more thing about speaking frankly. One of my dogs (know this isn't human stuff) has just been diagnosed with Type I diabetes. Of course, we have to try and regulate her insulin, food, water etc. Just an example, I guess of speaking frankly so that I can do the right thing. My husband has the dementia and he imagines all kinds of stuff going and is always wanting me to call the vet. I do have a lot to learn and all seems to be working so far even if he doesn't understand. I have been given lots of info and spent an hour in consultation with the vet which was so helpful. We are only into our first week of this so things could change rapidly. I have already taken a BIG does of patience with my husband to help him understand best he can what is going on.
I am really having trouble being a caregiver and I am not the most patient person on earth. I am learning though. God Bless you too. As always everyone is in my prayers each day.
Getting dementia diagnosed in the very early stages can be very helpful. For one thing, all of drugs aimed at dementia seem to work best in the early stages. Might as well get as much value from them as we can! For another, it is very helpful to the caregiver to find out as much as possible about the type of dementia that is suspected, so we know what to expect, perhaps learn some stratedgies for coping with various behaviors, and we can stop beating ourselves up for not getting it right. Also, certain drugs make certain kinds of dementia worse, so the sooner doctors realize the patient has a dementing condition the safer for all concerned. If your husband has dementia, finding out soon won't change the dementia, but it can help the situation in various ways. It sounds like you have had some up close and personal exposure to dementia. Another frustrating aspect is that no two people have exactly the same symptoms in the same order and same severity. Even people diagnosed with the same kind of dementia will differ in their symptoms. So if Mother and Grandfather and Husband all have dementia, they will have lots of similarities but lots of differences, too.
In my opinion (and I don't have any professional credentials as an opion giver) it might be useful to start tracking in a notebook all the behaviors and sympoms that are out of the ordinary or that you think might indicate dementia. It sounds like your husband must have doctors he sees frequently. Discuss your notebook with his PCP and ask if a referral to a specialist is in order. Maybe the doctor will have other explanations for some of the symptoms -- drug side effects, symptom of one of the diseases he is known to have had, etc. That could put your mind at ease somewhat. Or maybe the doctor will agree that it is worth pursuing further.
Best wishes to you as you continue to do your best for your husband, even when you can't seem to "get it right."
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