My mother has lived in assisted living for 5 yrs. The aides give residents two showers a week but she refuses help. They are very kind but my mother won't comply. I think the only way to solve this is to tell her that as so many residents have fallen in the shower it's now the facility's rule that everyone has assistance with showering. Any suggestions?
If she has been in Assisted Living for 5 years and this is the first time that they have had a problem you might want to explore if there is someone new helping with the showers. Maybe the water is too hot, maybe it is too cold. Maybe there is a new order as to how they are showering people. Did she used to get a shower in the morning and now it is mid day or at night, or visa versa. There are so many things that could have changed.
If all things are the same this might be something that you could bring up at the next doctor appointment as a "change" or decline.
Also ask at the facility if there are any other little changes that might be insignificant but together it could add up to a larger decline.
Like..
did she always have juice with breakfast now she does not want it, did she always drink coffee now she wants tea. Did she participate in games but now just watches, or does she stay in her room more than before? Little things may not seem like big things but adding them together can give a different picture. Sort of like that artwork that is nothing but dots until you step away.
If all else fails you can tell her she smells like a grizzly bear and if she doesn't bathe soon the flies will find her. (Just kidding here, but I've smelled some people who stopped bathing and it is not a nice smell.)
The next thing that I would consider is if she is in pain for some reason now. I'd explore any bones, joints, sore spots, etc. Does she have pain somewhere that she can't verbalize?
I will add that when my loved one was in regular AL, they had a very difficult time getting my loved one showered. It was a huge deal and they just weren't able to handle it. They called me about it. But, when my loved one's dementia progressed and she was moved to a Memory Care unit, that changed. The staff in MC were trained to handle her and it was never a problem after that.
I have noticed that in MC, they play music for the residents in the shower room. The staff person hums and sings along with the music. I think it helps the resident feel more relaxed and comfortable.
So, I suppose, that I would think that figuring out the best way to get mom her shower, would be something the facility needs to work on. Certainly, they deal with this all the time and they should have expertise by now.
Perhaps a team meeting with the facility might be helpful.
If she can shower herself, maybe all she needs is someone in her room to be sure if she has a problem they can help. Is there an emergency cord in the bathroom? What about a "help I have fallen down" button she can use in the shower?
I know I wouldn't want some person seeing me naked.
She refuses to have assistance bathing, She refuses to use her walker in the AL apartment. She has fallen several times, the nurses have called my wife several times a week informing her of the situation. My wife would like for her to stay in the AL but it looks like she will soon have to go to the Nursing Home. She has suffered from depression all her life.
I did not tell my wife but after watching her I think she may soon pass on. She has nothing to live for, she cannot remember anything. We have her in a wonderful facility with great caretakers. It's considered the best in our state. There is only so much they can do if she becomes too hard to handle she will go to the next step, that is, the Nursing Home.
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