She is well able to pay this amount and would be paying over $5000 a month for assisted living if our home was not available. My wife and I are both retired and live on fixed income, and it helps out tremendously. She thinks we are taking advantage. Would appreciate other opinions.
Ask an elder law attorney to explain all of the options. Was your father a war-time veteran? Aid & Attendance pension can reimburse the veteran's surviving spouse for care expenses, even payments to family members.
Medicaid home care programs in your state may also be available, if your mother's income and assets can be coordinated with the application process.
Having said that, $2000 a month for 24-hour care is very reasonable. Anyone would say that.
You need to see an eldercare attorney to line up your ducks with a care contract. You will be required to claim it on your income tax and you AND mom will both pay Social Security on the money paid to you as wages. That is one of the ways Medicaid will use to determine whether or not the money was a gift.
Get busy. That care contract is very important.
I see nothing wrong in the concept, I think she is not feeling comfortable with the amount.
Is $2000 / mo just for room and board or does it include errands, chauffeuring, preparing meals? Does it also include bathing, dressing, toileting? Does she require 24 hour attendance?
Is she moving into a room or a MIL suite? I would expect to pay more based on accommodations (just like rent).
I think you get the idea, the devil is in the details. I will say that if all parties are not comfortable with the arrangement I would not proceed. Assuming she is capable, she can live elsewhere.
When people begrudgingly accept a deal, they only get more bitter with time.
If you decide to proceed, do see a lawyer and get a written agreement, to ensure if she ever needs Medicaid, that this is not viewed as a "gift" triggering a penalty. The attorney can also opine on whether the amount would be viewed as excessive by Medicaid.
As for the assumption that kindness is granted only in proportion to the parent's monetary contribution, that is so not true. Oregongirl said it very succinctly in another thread " There is not enough money in the world to pay a Caregiver that is a family member." Often there is no money at all (and that's why a family member is needed to take on the task) but even if there is, there's no way the money could compensate for the stress, the exhaustion, the years of keeping one's own plans and goals on ice while tending to the needs of another. Try walking in someone else's shoes before presuming to judge their intentions.
Your situation of living on a fixed income has no place in this discussion as it is immaterial to your mother's care needs or her financial situation.
Can't forget her wanting to be with someone, anyone, 24 hours a day. Needing care for 22 of those hours but POA (not me) only agreeing to pay "qualified" people for 12 of those hours. I wasn't "qualified" so the other 12 hours though it was me or my husband & we did more than the CNAs, we got pennies.
And that is just the tip of the iceberg. It was costing me money out of my pocket, yet I was accused of being greedy.
CARE AGREEMENT prepared by a lawyer is a must. We didn't do it, and it was a disaster. Ended up moving Mom to Assisted Living, with an aide 5 hours a day, 3 times a week. Which is cheaper in the end than staying at my place. Mom is safe and well taken care of. We all visit with her 1-2 times a week for a few hours. My family have our lives back and I don't have to deal with my selfish, self-centers siblings.
It is life changing for you all. If you have siblings, protect yourself. If your MIL thinks it is too much, the advice given by someone else asking her what she thinks is fair is great advice. Elder care lawyer will tell you what is a fair amount in your area.
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