I am an only child and she has basically been very controlling my whole life. I have very few friends and no family of my own. She drove me to work and cursed me out every morning for years because she did no want to do it. I have pretty low self esteem as a result of her comments over the years and recently we just fought all the time until she had cardiac arrest and is now tryin to weaned off a ventilator. I love her and would take care of her if I could but I stress easily and when she said tonight half of my money goes into that apartment so you could stay up here I got very upset. Her anxiety is hindering her progress so the nurses make fun of her and aren't willing to help. I feel overwhelmed as her sister is not even willing to visit for a week. It is all on me and my mother is starting to get just as mean as she was out of the hospital. I am really sleepy and this is starting to affect my work. She does not even want to me to go to the grocery store and actually says that when I get off I need to come straight to the hospital without any regards to the fact that I am over 35? She is also starting to be rude to me in front of the nurses when I do not understand what she is saying with the trach and to her friend who brings me to see her. At this rate, I will never get my driver's license. What do I do?
Make plans for your own future, because if she ends up in a nursing home, you may have to pay all the rent on your own.
You need professional help as soon as possible. You need someone to show you how to climb out of the crazy making your mother has put you through. You are young. Seek help now while you have a chance to have a fulfilling life. No one except your mother will blame you and as far as I am,concerned she doesn't count at this point.
Shut your ears for the short lecture/guilt trip sure to follow...stay your thirty minutes...then go home and soak in a bubble bath with a 6-ounce glass of wine.
She can only make you feel guilty if you let her.
So stop letting her.
Your life and your decisions are important and you deserve to make these decisions on your own. I'd put building my confidence and independence as a priority and work on it. After you do that, you might find it easier to assert yourself with your mom.
I think that most people would stay with mom at the hospital for a reasonable amount of time and then when you need to go, tell her. She'll be fine at the hospital. If this bothers you, I'd try to get some help to work through it.
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