My mom hasn't driven in over 7 years. She hasn't walked in 4 years. She stopped being able to transfer into a car about 1-2 years ago. She's completely bound to a wheelchair or bed.
She's going off the rails today about how she's going to take the bus to the DMV to take her driver's test. I told her she's going to be very disappointed. I wouldn't put it past her to attempt to go. She is totally capable of lying to her home health saying she's just going to the store or something so they'll put her in her scooter. Then she'd end up at the DMV with nowhere to go.
Drives me bananas. She has slight dementia but not bad and it's not progressing. She just fixates on stuff, and this isn't the first time she's fixated on driving again. Maybe in a couple days she won't be fired up about it. But I honestly don't know.
I just want it to stop. It's making me anxious as hell even though I know realistically she'll never drive again.
Of course that may not be as easy for others so may I suggest u start off by giving her a driver's handbook to read through, if that doesn't detour give her mock test to see if she can pass, if not... problem solved probably unhappily but won't be your fault. Darn DMV.😉 It's a matter of picking your battles. My sister in law told me her father "kicked her out of the house weekly" because she wouldn't take him to get his. I chose the easier battle less stressful for all of us. Again even though prepared I got lucky on this one. Good luck to you.
Although you say her dementia is not progressing and is only slight this sounds at odds with her behaviour which does not sound like "slight" dementia. Perhaps another assessment of her dementia by her Doctor would be worth while.
But for YOU, aj6044? Have you given any thought to why this particular focus is causing YOU the unfair degree of stress?
Therapeutic fibs are morally acceptable and often work really well. Best not to argue "reality" with her -- it's pointless and stress-inducing for both of you. I do this with my 99-yr old aunt who sundowns every afternoon and fixates on "going home". I say, "Ok, but first would you please go to the mailbox with me?" (yes) Then, "Would you please help me fold this pile of towels?" (yes)... etc. Then before you know it, it's dinner time and she's stopped fixating. You do what's least stress inducing, less inconveniencing and most safe.
If she can successfully navigate all of these hoops independently, plus pass the written and eye tests, and provide proof of insurance, more power to her!
If she has had her license lapse for over a couple of years, she would need to start all over with a learner's permit and all of the required classroom hours.
Teepa Snow describes 'emerald' stage like that, on the go, either actions or thoughts. Check out her videos & webpages for caring for 'emerald' type behaviour - especially how to redirect.
Another active response may be to reminisce over driving holidays, look at old photos, or watch a golden oldie road film (remember It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World? Great stuff!)
A passive idea may be to just smile, nod, ah-huh OK Mom.
Is the feeling more that you need to fix this driving problem for her? If so, if you can find a way to let go of that, that it is not yours to solve, it will become easier to tolerate the thought loops.
"His men will follow him anywhere - if only out of curiosity."
Even in the improbable event that your mother does follow through and does demand to be escorted to the DMV and is (correctly, I would have to remind you) supported in her wish by the HHAs, that's still leaves her a very long way from being back on the road, doesn't it?
So... if you just make cheerful but non-committal noises to humour her, there isn't a substantial risk of any harm coming to anyone, is there?
PS. I wish there was a "laugh" button on here, I love your comments. "If only out of curiosity," LOL!
Don't stress over things that will never happen. Do know, however, that all dementia progresses...........not necessarily on a schedule, or quickly, but it does progress. Your mother's dementia may be a tad worse than the 'slight' case you think it is if she's insisting on driving again when she's totally wheelchair and/or bedbound these days.
Wishing you the best of luck dealing with a difficult situation.
You need to quit stressing over these minor bumps in the road, or you will end up with stress related health issues. You must learn to pick your battles. This one just isn't worth it. Best wishes.
So if she gets on the bus and gets to the DMV she will not be able to get a license.
Personally I would not worry that she can get a license.
You could call and ask what the policy is where you are but I am sure it is the same anywhere. They just don't have "extra cars" to let people use. She also may have to show proof of insurance as well.
And many places now require that you make an appointment for a test. So again if she shows up without an appointment they will not give her a written or road test.