She lives in her home, says it is not her home. Hasn’t driven in five years. Says she drove yesterday. Wants her car here and her grandson is using it. He asked to borrow it and she agreed. Then says she didn’t agree. Gets very angry and agitated can no longer drive as she failed the eye exam. This used to be a thing once a day, now several times a day. Says I don’t care about her or I would help her. I am primary caregiver for the last 2 1/2 years. Tried driving her around awhile and then back to house. Didn’t work. Suggestions?
When you sense she's about to begin with a tirade. distract her. Have distractions ready to go so she doesn't go off spinning while you're trying to figure out how to distract her attention. Is there a particular snack she especially enjoys that you can give her when she begins to become upset? Something special she doesn't get very often? Is there a show on TV she enjoys that you can turn on when she starts becoming agitated? if you have a DVR maybe record a bunch of episodes to have on hand. Does she enjoy reading the paper? Or books on tape? Does she enjoy talking about "the good old days"? Looking at old photo albums?
People with dementia frequently develop obsessions that can be maddening to their loved ones. Stay calm. If you're getting agitated she will become more agitated. As you begin to try to distract her always think of some new way to distract her the next time. Be creative! A game of cards or you can give her a manicure. And if she continues to bring up the car and driving counter with something else: "Oh, you know who I saw in the grocery the other day? Mrs. Hawkins!" Your mom doesn't need to know that Mrs. Hawkins has been dead for 2 years. It's a diversion. Talk about Mrs. Hawkins for a bit. Bring your mom through these obsessions on your terms, not hers.
Try making up a fictional neighbor that actually does not exist. Gossip and trash talk that figment of your imagination with your Mom. Bound to entertain and take the focus off the car.
Theraputic fibbing. Good luck.
Momofsadie, you can just come to up with something like, "your house is having some repairs" or " there was a flood from the water heater and it will take a while to dry out" then redirect, "let's make some cookies". When she talks about the car..." Grandson is so thankful to have such an amazing grandma who would be so willing to let him use her car in his time of need...it is so nice of you!" We become a master at making things up.