My mother moved far away from me a few months ago, and into assisted living near my children. She is delusional and believed that I was stealing from her, among other horrible things. I am an only child and have been a very good daughter. She hates me now. She refuses to talk to me, but I do want to send her a Mothers day card, which i have sitting in front of me, but can't think of a few short lines to add. I think I am doing this to make myself feel a little better on Sunday rather than trying to convince her that I am not really the most vile person in the world. Right now she is in the hospital (2nd time since she has moved) due to dehydration, critically low sodium or falling. Any suggestions what to write would help me greatly. I will not confess though to the things that she accuses me of...Happy Mother's Day.
So many times, those with dementia accuse the ones they love of stealing. It's never "I can't find it or I miss places it." Someone stole it. This is her disease talking. I know it's hard to not take it personal, but try. Hopefully she will get pasted this phase of her disease and move on to something else. This to shall pass
M88
As the others have said, just address her as she was before the dementia changed her. What would you have written then?
The mom you knew is gone. What this person she's become thinks of you is not really important. I am not on good terms with my mother this mother's day, but I will still get a card. She needs to have these to display at her apartment...and I need to get over the fact she had problems and hated being a mother. Mother's Day is a fake holiday. Remember that. Just sign the card and mail it. Do something fun for yourself on Sunday.
This "holiday" brings up a lot of garbage for a lot of people. It's wonderful you love your mom so much you are stressing about sending a sweet card--that she probably won't even understand. You are very blessed and very lucky. Enjoy those memories.
Your daughter, Name
"Dear ____,
Sorry we can't be with you for mother's day but we're having a big party at our house for your grandson's thirtieth birthday and you're not invited.
Lots of love, DIL and Son."
That should bring her down to earth with a bump. I'm sure it would have done my mother, but thank God when it arrived she didn't have her glasses so she asked me to read it to her. I read just the printed message, said it was from Golden Boy (DIL had signed his name), hypocritically praised the picture (which was a cartoon poking fun at men not being able to iron, I recall, the connection with Mothering Sunday not being entirely clear) and put it on the mantelpiece.
Anyway. Now I've got that episode from The Book Of Grudge off my chest - Momsgirl, how are you doing? How are you coping? Are you finding any way to adjust to your mother's dementia-personality?