My mother is in a assisted living facility in my state, my husband and I want to move to a warmer climate which means two states away. He is 65 and says he doesn`t know how long he will live, men don`t live long in his family. I don`t want to move her, she seems to be settled but does change from time to time, hard to figure her out! She has early dementia, depression, cognitive impairment but mainly I don`t want to move her, there would be alot of hassle from siblings, I can`t deal with that. I want to move also, I feel like I`m in the middle of a tug of war. What do I do?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I think I'd move and try to keep tabs on your mom and ask your other siblings to step up to help. Worst case is you could still move your mom closer to where you are if you find it's unworkable to be so far from her. I agree with Emjo, your needs and those of your husband's come before mom's needs. You've been good to do as much as you have already. Don't short your own happiness because of guilt over mom. She has four other children to help her out. You are not alone.
Honestly, no matter what, I would not move her. If you have POA medical and financial that is workable from a distance. I manage my mothers affairs at a distance - 5 hrs. drive in my case - and some others here are at a bigger distance. Not all people, even care givers, live close to their parents. Are your sibs helpful? Could you budget, for example, 4 trips a year to see her? A little more information would help.
Take care