We tried just a regular ALF because her doctors could not specifically say that her problems were not depression related but it is now apparent that it is more dementia than depression. My question is, how do I make the move easier for her. She wants to return to her private home which is not an option. Suggestions are welcome.
Pick out the best memory care ALF you can find that is near to you. Decorate it just like her room (in current ALF or in her previous home) and take her out to lunch one day. (Perhaps a friend or family member can move the final items during your lunch). Tell her the doctor wants her to try some new treatments and you are bringing her to get them. Settle her in, stay a while, introduce her around and have the evening meal with her. Show her that her room has all of her favorite items. (What treatment the doctor ordered depends upon a logical story given her situation). The bad news about memory issues IS the memory issues. The good news for you is Mom won't really remember much soyou needn't go into great detail. Keep it simple. Don't ask permission, you are keeping her safe and that is a priority. The opinions on this site vary, I visited my Mom in memory care every day from day one. I wanted her to know she was safe and I did my best to assure that. The staff told me to stay away to give her time to settle in, but I didn't think that was right for my Mom. I didn't stay all day, I brought her to the activities at the ALF that I though she would enjoy. Ultimately, I chose times to visit when I thought the activities didn't match her interests or skill set. By the end, I knew every caregiver/and employee at this facility and most of the residents and visitors. My Mom got GREAT care and other visitors watched out for her during their visits as well. Family all reported back to each other and I (like most everyone here) did my best to help my Mom during her final journey. Keep us posted.
I hired someone to help me pack and organize and made sure her new room felt vary much like hers. I took her to lunch and we just drove to the new facility after lunch and got her settled.
I recognized that my mom had just as many issues recognizing her old room as she did this new room, but could start sharing stories about all of her things that surrounded her in the new community.
We had to do this with my Dad and it was not easy. He had been dialing 911 in his AL apartment, which is great problem solving but not appropriate for the setting. He was very angry with us and took a decline in his cognition, sadly, before he actually adjusted.
My only advice here, and this comes as a therapist, is to make sure she is engaged at a level appropriate for her during the day but the staff. Ask about an OT assessment to determine her level of cognition and make recommendations that would be at the right level of challenge for her. All people are happy when the challenge is not to hard and not to easy!
good luck!
I think you find a great geriatric psychology center and start with a full work up. I have heard that Emory in Atlanta has the best program in the SE US. You might want to go look at their website and see what they offer, and see if you can track down the best in your area of the world.
A short time later, she had no memory of it. So, just push through, grin and bear it, it is horrible but you survive, and then, all is forgotten.