I have a sister and two a brother. our father is 91 year old he lives 400 mile away from me. one of my brother live in a different state.my sister live 11/2 from him. i went to see him more than she did. our father just got sick and instead of needing a part time care know he needs a full time care. Where I live there nothing for him medical because i live near a military base that were i go for medical. when he was in the hospital my husband and i drove 400 miles to see him for a week and she only went for two days and that was because the social worker needed for her to fill out papers since she is my dad legal guardian.so she decided to move him with her since she doesn't have a husband because he die 8 years ago. so she hire a person to take care of him while she work. so know she is always complaining about everything that she can't go get her stuff done like she did before. but i think she thinks since i don't work i should pack up and move so i can take care of our dad and tell my husband i will see you when dad die. so she can have her freedom back. i told my father and he said now way and if i did that he will never talk to me because he said i have a great husband and that is not fair for me to lose him. i went home when our mother was dying with my kids and took care of her by my self and at that time our dad was in a little better health than what he is know but with her we knew she only had a month with dad we don't know. twice he has been in hospital really sick that we thought this is it and he has come out of it. my brother is against of me moving. i told my dad her and her family always throwing at my face that i don't work. my husband has a great job and i am able to stay home. we travel and know they throw that too.i will still go and visit my dad but i am not going to move because she want me to. i would do that to my husband. my father understand but she is very selfish. she call me to tell me that my dad piss on himself or poo and that she has to be cleaning him up. i have done it before when i went to visit him at his own house and i didn't call her to complain about it i just clean it up and move on. i did it with our mom too and never call to complain.
Good luck and God bless.
But to answer your question, it is perfectly fair for your sister to express the view that you should do more to help with your father. It is equally fair for you to tell her to get stuffed, if that is how you feel about it. But feeling hard done by because someone is "making you feel guilty" - when what they've actually done is express an opinion that you're uncomfortable with, rightly or not - is daft. Stop resenting your sister for asking and instead offer what help you think is reasonable.
Also, you wrote that your "sister live 11/2 from him". Could you explain this? I'm not sure if it means miles or is a time distance.
In addition, I'm confused by this statement:
"Where I live there nothing for him medical because i live near a military base that were i go for medical." Are you or your husband in the military? Are there no nonmilitary medical facilities at all in the area? What about AL or SNF facilities?
And 400 miles just isn't that far. Depending on the roads, it could be an 8 hour +/- trip, so it's doable.
Beyond the disagreement between the two of you, there is the issue of care for your father. I think instead of focusing on who's done what or hasn't done this or that, the important issue is that you and your siblings find a solution so that your father is well cared form now, when he needs you.
Perhaps each of you may have to sacrifice a bit; you wrote that you and your husband travel a lot; perhaps you could travel to your father's area to help with his care and give your sister a break. That seems reasonable to me.
It's time to be creative in helping your father.
Now what you have to do is say I am unwilling to do that too so we need to consider care for Dad. It's not rocket science for heavens sake and I will scream it till I am blue in the face some people were not born to care neither are they willing to give up their lives to care AND THAT IS ALL RIGHT.
The critical issue is getting the right care for your father. So stop squabbling and start making plans for his safe future because right now all this must be making him feel 10 times worse than he needs to feel. Failure to meet his needs is abuse so think about that and make sure he is taken care of - ACT IN HIS BEST INTEREST. that doesn't necessarily mean do what he wants but you have to consider his needs
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