We would like to begin the move to Memory Care for mom, but don't know where to start. What questions do we ask the lawyer?
Mother with Alzheimer's disease has lived with me for last 7 months because her husband was unable to handle her behaviors, became abusive. Would like to begin the move to Memory Care for her, but don't know where to start. She doesn't have enough money to even pay for 1 year of care. Her husband refuses to contribute saying, "I can't afford to pay for her care." My 2 brothers and I are meeting with the Elder Care Lawyer to determine how to proceed. Any insights you could share would be so appreciated! What questions do we ask the lawyer? How can we make her husband participate in paying for her care? She won't be found eligible for Medicaid, as she remains married and therefore his financial information would have to be added to the application. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Can you suggest ideas to assist me in moving forward?
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They pay for Assisted Living and Memory Care Assisted Living in NC if she qualifies. You apply with the county Dept. of Social Services. You can make an appointment and they'll tell you what documents to bring, such as bank accounts statements, proof of income and assets, etc. They normally allow a family member apply on behalf of a family member. I was POA, but, I don't think you don't have to be one to meet with them.
I'd also ask about Medicaid Medical. This will be supplemental to Medicare. They will apply her for everything that she might qualify for.
When I applied for my cousin, I had already picked out an Assisted Living facility that accepts Special Assistance payments. The Social Worker and the AL needed the form called an FL2 completed and signed by a doctor. The doctor needs to know the things that the patient cannot do or needs assistance with. Depending on the needs, the doctor will recommend AL or MC or Secure MC. You can find an FL2 online.
I think it's important to explain to the social worker that she cannot stay with family and that she is not able to care for herself. And you may want to get treatment for mom before applying to AL, since, if she is a behavior problem....you may have some rejections.
Due to her wandering, it's highly likely the doctor would prescribe Secure Memory Care. My cousin was in a wheelchair, but still would wheel into the parking lot trying to get into cars to go shopping. Most regular AL's are not secure and cannot keep her from trying to leave.
It sounds like she needs help with all of her daily activities. I wouldn't let costs bother me. There are provisions in most states for persons who are not able to care for themselves. The doctor would need to put it in writhing and the attorney may provide you with the details regarding the paperwork the doctor will need to complete.
I agree about your mother's concerning behavior. I'd have her evaluated by her doctor. Perhaps, inquire into a geriatric psychiatrist. I'd see if her anxiety or agitation can be addressed, as if it is not addressed, most Memory Care facilities will want it to be explored. Many facilities are not able to keep a person as a resident who is violent or abusive.
Please note when it comes to a married couple where one needs to apply for Medicaid, only half of the house and half of the assets would be counted for the application. The Elder Law Attorney can guide you on that.
Since Mom is abusive, has her primary doctor recommended any medicine to help calm her down? Some Assisted Living/Memory Care will not accept a person who could become violent or abusive to the Staff and other residents. With Medicaid, your Mom would need to go into a continuing care facility which Medicaid would help pay for her care. Or Medicaid could offer some help in the form of Aides to come to your home for a few hours per week to help out. Again, your Attorney can guide you as each State has different rules and programs.