My 6 year old daughter and I moved in with my grandmother after the passing of my grandfather. I am about to get married; therefore becoming a wife as well as already being a mother. My grandmother does not clean nor decorate like I used to in my own place. Every time I start cleaning something she either watches me like a hawk or says you don't have to do that. I am beginning to feel depressed due to not being able to be the proper mother or wife to be. I can't clean my way, I can't decorate my way, and after 3 years my decorations and belongings are still in boxes. I feel obligated to care for my grandmother. My mother (only child) and grandfather have both passed, and I am all she has. Yet I feel I am losing my sense of self by not doing the things I used to do. My grandmother is also somewhat of a hoarder, and has issues when I get rid of things from time to time. She feels compelled to hang onto things just because my grandfather bought them (Ex. She had a freezer that went bad. The inside of it was starting to melt in some places. I got rid of it and replaced it with a new one. She actually got upset and started stomping through the house like a child on a temper tantrum. I couldn't believe it.) I am looking for advice on how to go about things. Sadly, I have even thought about moving out so that I can be myself again.
If your present environment won't pass inspection as a suitable place to raise a child, it is not a suitable place to raise a child. PLEASE remove your daughter from this mess.
Are you expecting your husband to move into this situation? Oh my goodness! Talk about starting marriage on the wrong foot!
If you decide that you have to move out (and I think you do), post again asking for help in how to do that. Plenty of people have been in your shoes and can help with that.
If you pay rent or pay all the house payment, then maybe trying to decorate and clean the whole place your way seems fairer. But still, you may want to work only on your areas and not shared spaces.
If you want your own life you and your daughter will have to move out of your grandma's place. It's not your house to decorate but I totally relate to your desire to have a place and space of your own. Trying to get your grandma to get rid of things is an uphill battle that you will lose.
Would your grandma be a candidate for Assisted Living? If she can't live by herself this would be the next best thing. You may spend years caring for her and sacrifice everything in the process beginning with yourself.