My parents moved into my house 10 years ago. My mother was diagnosed with dementia three years ago and my father passed away in January at age 91 after years of dialysis. The plan has always been for my mother to move to my sister's house after my father's death. My mother had a narcissistic personality before the dementia and I knew caring for her alone would be difficult. When I approached my sister a few weeks ago about the timing for the move I was surprised to have both of my sisters attacked me as being uncaring and ungrateful. I suspect the reaction is a result of the notarized statement my father drew up prior to his death stating all financial support and improvements to my home over the last 10 years are not to be considered part of his estate and are acknowledgment of my role as his caregiver.
My mother's dementia is getting worse, I work full time, and I know that I am no longer able to care for her. I am totally burned out. Since my sister no longer plans to have her move to her home I let both of my sisters know that it is time for my mother to move into assisted living. This was not well received and it was suggested that I arrange counseling for my mother and myself so we can work out our differences.
My question - my sister has the power of attorney and medical power of attorney. If she will not agree to moving my mother into a facility what do I do? I have found a place that she can afford just 15 minutes from my home but both of my sisters say it is too far away from the rest of the family (1-2 hours round trip). They want to put off the move as long as possible and feel I just need an attitude adjustment.
Agree with FF. Let the doctor explain this to your sister. And just to remind you...since you're not POA, you are not under obligation to continue to care for mom. If she needs to be hospitalized, you give them your sister's name and tell them that YOU are no long responsible.
As for medical Power of Attorney, for my own parents I can only use it if and when either of my parents is unable to give their own consent when it comes to medical issues. There is nothing in the POA that says I need to drive them to the doctor and sit in on the appointment. I do it because I want to know what is going on health wise, as Dad gets bored in the doctor's office thus won't listen and my Mom is also deaf, and later after the appointment I hear them talking about the doctor appointment and wonder if all 3 of us were sitting in the same office :P