Mum is looking at retirement apartments. This is good news, but a whole bunch of work for me. Any suggestions on downsizing?
Mum is pretty remarkable. She is 88, lives a fully independent life, in her home, she looks after her garden, walks the dog and even is Dragon Boating again this year.
The value of houses in our community have doubled in the last 2 years. But as everyone here knows, inflation is rampant and her pension income has not kept up. So she is house rich and cash poor.
She also had a fall last week. She tripped has a massive bruise, but it put the fear of God into her. What if she had broken her hip? How long would it have been before she was found?
Recently she has started to talk about selling and moving into a retirement independent living building. There are two near my house that are a couple blocks from her church, doctor, downtown, seniors centre, etc.
But she will be moving from a 1,700 sq/ft 3-bedroom house to a small one- or hopefully 2-bedroom apartment. Of course, the huge attic and the double garage are full of stuff too.
Mum has asked me to go view the two locations with her and once she decides, she will need to list her house and start packing. Or maybe start packing first.
For those of you who have helped their parents downsize, any suggestions on how best to help her?
I know she will be leaning on me for emotional support, as well making decisions on what to donate, and the actual packing.
I have also prepared a financial plan for her to show her that she could live to 107 before she exhausted the proceeds of the sale of her house. She would still have pensions.
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That is my suggestion for downsizing. Speak to the sale company also about what happens to the items that don't sell, if any? Do they donate them?
When my parents had to move into AL, I wound up donating ALL of their leftover things to the Salvation Army who came to the bldg with a truck and took it all, once I boxed up the loose items. Had I had the opportunity to hire an online estate sale company, I'd have done so, but I was under the gun to get them out of there and moved into the AL right away.
My DIL conducted an estate sale herself after her grandmother passed, and rued the day she had that idea. People were offering her a dime on the dollar for grandma's treasures, and she wound up selling very little.
Best of luck to you and to mom, and GOOD FOR HER for making a wise decision before being forced to do so due to a crisis!
Thank you for the reminder, yes there are 2 options locally for estate sales. One company recently held one in her complex. She was not impressed by them. The other does an online auction which would be the better option.
The one that did our sale organized everything for the sale. Afterwards they cleaned (swept, mopped, vacuumed). They even cleaned the garage and shed after all was gone. They charged 35% which was well worth it. We did not have to lift a finger! Oh yeah- -they helped pack stuff for our move too.
Hopefully you will find a company that good for yourselves.
Maybe this type of IL is different in Canada, but I would strongly campaign for her to go to a living situation that offered comprehensive levels of care. Who will be checking on her if she falls in her new apartment and she can't call anyone? No one will be doing rounds checking up on her. She still has to do everything herself: shop, cook, hygiene, clean. Everything she's doing now but just in a smaller apartment. Other than selling possessions, what will be gained in this move? Does just downsizing justify the effort you'll both be spending? Many seniors resist going into AL but then gain from the more enriched socialization they get there, and family gains from the peace of mind knowing other eyes are on them and help is only steps away. Just a thought...good luck with the move!
The two places she is considering include Life Alert and in house monitoring. Plus I am a 5 minute walk away.
Likely Mum will choose MAiD if she gets to the stage of needing 24/7 care. A lifelong friend chose MAiD last fall and Mum was present for her death.
Good luck. I've moved more times than I can even remember, and from what I've learned, it's important to "pace" yourself, so that you don't get too tired.
Yes we are in Canada, but on Vancouver Island where our winters are mild. Snow rarely lasts 3 days.
Laundry is a consideration. One building has in suite laundry in the 2 bedroom units.
Some units have patios or balconies, Mum loves her plants, so that would trump in suite laundry.
I can only speak of this one company we hired as we didn’t get three estimates.
I went to an estate sale several months before we were to move. I was so impressed with the lady doing the sale that I hired her to do ours. So I did not get three quotes. As I mentioned already, she and her team did everything.
The lady came out with two crew members to our house and I showed them what there was. Then she decided she would like to do the sale. We signed the contract and the rest is history.
I suggest you have the reps come see what you have and let them decide if they will clear all out or if you need to continue doing so.
Let us know what you decide. It may help others in the future.
So: she decides on a "firm possible" choice of apartment. You take pictures, sketch a floor plan. She then virtually populates the new apartment with her possessions. Those selected are located and packed up. The rest are cleared by a professional service under your supervision, and hers if she won't find it too much emotional turmoil but not if she feels she might give way.
If certain items, e.g. bed, dining table are not going to fit well in the new place then one way round it that won't undermine her positivity is for her to treat herself to a shiny new one that she really likes. New bedlinen and similar can also provide a morale boost.
Flash points include: grotty old carpets of, nevertheless, great sentimental value; books; memorabilia of no aesthetic value; curtains that somebody important made but which won't fit the new windows and anyway have seen better days; sewing machines, pianos, spouse's golf clubs... you get the picture. The crucial tactic is to ensure that such items are found worthy homes, and/or that representative items are found a place in her new house: e.g. if there isn't room for a sewing machine, there still might be for her needlework basket with a new project in it and a good craft light; get her a user-friendly music player and point out the baby grand in the residents' lounge.
So, again, she is NOT leaving it all behind. She is moving forward to a differently enjoyable phase of life.
Fyi also a house and storage units crammed with stuff and lived in for about 45 years. I had no help other than people I could pay. Long story short once mom had her things and all the wanted items were removed to wherever, I got rid of the rest. In my case I donated literally everything useful or decorative to fire victims, it was a DIY setup with a great friend in a fire zone ( NorCal ) with a double wide garage and good organizational skills lol
Mom moved to IL but has progressed through all the levels and is now in MC. Highly recommend a place with graduated levels of care so at least moves can be made WITHIN the same compound//company. I’ve done this three times and it’s difficult enough as it is. And it was my mom’s idea to move ( miracle!! ) but she has been not at all easy to say the least.
Wishing you and your mom the best with this!
I've also found 2 Veteran owned real estate companies, which will have the option of selling the house. Greedy "investors" and flippers aren't even under consideration, unless the former are needed b/c I can't find enough priority groups.
The company assisting with cleanout is also a Veteran owned company, and the workers are far better than any other I've experienced. They know how to (e.g.,) disassemble a shredder and a trailer to separate the metal and recycle it. Other cleanout companies just looked at the trailer and said they couldn't handle it.
One neighbor played her records, CD/s whatever late at night. Banging on the walls did nothing, and I couldn't get the rest I needed. Management wouldn't get involved.
Another smoked; the odor drifted out into the hall. It was disgusting. I had to put towels or rags at the apartment door to block the stench.
There were good people, helpful and friendly. But in a multi unit building you have no control over the neighbor's noise or smoking.
Unrelated to the issue of neighbors is escape in the event of an emergency. There was only one door, and the apartment was on the second floor.
If your mother does decide on an apartment, check out the escape routes (in the event of fire). If the apartments are all at ground level, that's better, but it also means they're more vulnerable to break-ins (depending on whether the complex has its own security).
The last complex Dad lived in during palliative then hospice care was all at ground level; buildings were separated enough that any fire couldn't easily encompass the entire complex, and a security guard checked out the buildings; I saw the car driving through the complex every time visited.
Definitely get rid of all the stuff she isn't using. Probably the garage is simply storage and she won't even know what's in there!
My suggestions would to be to really help her look at her 'stuff' and see what REALLY brings her joy and keep that and let the rest go.
My mom's 800 SF apartment is absolutely packed to the gills and she complains constantly that she needs more closet space. No, she needs to throw some crap away! Or give it away--either one. She has only a little 'pony trail' though her apartment and she is hoarded out to a far-thee-well. We all tried to get her to downsize on various cleanout attempts and they were all, every one, absolute failures. She got so mad over the stuff we tossed she never trusted anyone again. She has plenty of space, but like so many people, loves having her 'stuff' packed around her. I gave up trying to do anything to 'help' her, as she wants every single thing she owns. A $1 'toy' is as important to her as her Grandmother's china. I got chastised severely for throwing away a rotted plastic frog.
So--encourage mom to take a hard look at her stuff as she packs. Giving stuff to people in need is the ONLY way we could get mom to part with anything. But it worked, to a point.
I second the idea of having 2 bedrooms. Having a second room devoted to TV, crafts, puzzles--and a bedroom that's tidy and 'calm' will help her to adapt to the new move.
I can really relate--Dh and I 'downsized' by buying a home twice the size of our old one, but we really only 'live' on one floor. I can go days without going downstairs.
We purged a TON of stuff and I am about to purge AGAIN. If only I could get DH to get rid of a lot of his tools. He is never going to use them and I cannot get my car in the garage!!
I wish you luck in this.
I have been looking for a year to find good condo for us.
I am in Canada as well and yes prices of houses doubled and more, the problem is not selling, but finding good place to live. First, downsizing is not such a great idea, as I have to think about future and need 3 bedrooms as needed for live in caregiver.
Second, it does not make sense as we spend more time at home, the biggest condo I found is over 1200 sq ft.
Third, after looking closer at few condos, there is several issues, kitchen with island so tight, bathroom almost not accessible for a person like my husband with limited mobility and using walker, what if he is going to need wheelchair, almost impossible, for bathroom, bedroom, LR to turn around.
Then taking closer looking at condos, lots of people buying for investment and renting out, people move in and out, then many of them are by busy roads for easy access but lots of noise.
This is my experience so far. Check first for accessibility and potentially if Mom falls and requires assisting device will she be able to access kitchen, bathroom, bedroom easily.
Obviously, if you consider condo, If she has big furniture you have to get rid of almost everything. Three options, donate, throw out or sell, start with throwing out when you prepare house for sale. I have very low opinion of any retirement independent living or AL, it took me no time to establish this is never going to be me. Just entering 60s and too independent, there is rules, regulations and they are so cheaply designed. Total rip-off.
One around here starting @ $7000 monthly for 500- 700 sq ft.
Mum has friends in the building already, so that will help her adapt.
I think Mum will want to replace some of her furniture. She still has the bedroom suite bought 60 years ago. Of course the bed has been replaced.
Good to know there are better places on Vancouver Island and more affordable. Good luck with selling Mom’s place, I am sure you have no problem, good thing all the proceeds are tax free, leaves her with extra. If you doing her planning and she did not contributed to TFSA, good idea for seniors, safe investment without taxes.
As for downsizing long story for me as we did four moves in one year, about 6 years ago. We liquidated everything here and moved out of the country, six suite cases left to take.
When we listed our house, we indicated to realtor that everything was for sale, after solid offer we let them come back and lucky for us they bought almost all furniture, as a good gesture we left them lots of things.
3-4 garage sales got rid of almost everything else, even one car was sold, but, to my surprise nobody wanted books ( even for free)
The rest, gave to friends and charities.
Bought beautiful apartment on the beach, husband got diagnosed with PD, sold everything again, moved back to Canada, had to rent for about 5 months until our new place was finished and buy everything again.It was not that difficult. Good thing, after initial purge my husband a little bit of hoarder became almost minimalist.
picnic table, right In front of the window after we were committed.
There was noise and gatherings of the under 40 crowd ( with beer) a few nights a week. It was from the 5 to 8:30 PM period which I feel snould be a wind down, relax time
Mum and I went for a tour of one of the buildings last week. It is the one with 3 meals a day.
The 1 bedroom apartments are small, but definitely big enough for a single person. We saw one with a patio and that would be ideal for Mum. She spends time in her garden every day. All the units have small balconies too.
Each floor has two common areas, set up for different activities, exercise room, library, pool room, arts and crafts etc. The ground floor has two much larger lounges for entertainment and large group activities. So there is lots of room to socialize outside of the apartments.
The bathrooms as all accessible with large barrier free showers.
Mum could visualize where she would put her desk, seating, dining area etc. They will allow her dog, which is very important to Mum.
The draw back from Mum is 3 meals a day in the dining room. She is not interested in breakfast and lunch in a group setting.
We will check out the building next door in August. It offers only dinner daily.
But I am happy to say Mum is making her plans. She will put her house on the market next spring and we will hopefully have her moved by June.
A side note, her sister (twin) has had two serious falls in the last 2 months. The second lead to a broken shoulder. I think it has made Mum more aware of what could happen and to prepare for it.
What happens in 2 years when mom is no longer interested in making her own breakfast and lunch? Or can't?
What is the add-on charge for those 2 other meals?
My mom lived in a nice IL that served 3 meals a day. She generally ate her own oatmeal in her room (in her PJs) in the AM and frequently ate something light in her room, but once she got into the swing of activities, going to lunch in the dining room became part of her day.
Getting waited on is appealing.
Please please pls clearly find out how any facility deals with dogs. Purse puppies that stay inside all day is 1 thing & she uses puppy pee pads. Dogs that are bigger and need to get walked daily and are big enough to push down someone who goes to pet them or seriously drag mom should they want to chase a squirrel are another. My late Mil had a 75/85 lb dog who was not housebroken and had no obedience training. Snapped at neighbors. Was the reason for 3 bad falls and the last one Mil broke her hip after dog dragged her maybe 20 yards. She got hospitalized and then into rehab and stay there segueway to NH resident. We had even gotten the dog an escape proof harness and quick release leash but Mil refused to use them. If your moms dog could be difficult please try to get it used to a harness and leash system & if mom needs to have an invisible fence put along the patio line.
Your mom fortunately has money. There is no pressing reason for you to get her house empty asap. Start with getting rid of anything seasonal (Xmas, Easter) and all books and whatever printed materials that you don’t need for her financials and future probate. I’d suggest that you find the Realtor you like that has a “staging” person they work with. You get staging gal over to go thru the house to determine what they need to have in place for house to on market. And they arrange to get rid of everything else….. it’s a win-win for you and the stager. 6 month plan & ready for an Springtime or April listing! Good luck.
Luckily, LeRoy although a large dog, is very well behaved. He is loved by everyone. The building we looked at allows dogs as long as the resident is capable of looking after them, taking them out for walks etc. He is also 12 and feeling his age. He may not be here next spring.
I have a friend who does home staging and will hire her to help Mum when the time comes. She also does decluttering and I will get her help with that too.
computer data space to this frivilous conversation on downsizing, "dumping" junk and having garaged parking & yourown washing machine. There' s folks with real problems
& life and death concerns. Amen.
This post is from June so its 2 months old.
Its nice for those if us who are Caregivers to have a break from the daily grind of caregiving and get a little "off topic" at times.
We are blessed with a ton of storage, but after 8 months here and not emptying many bins I find that when I do, I am always surprised that I chose to keep most of this stuff. I offer it to my daughters first and if they don't want it, and the grands don't want it, out it goes.