She lives in an annex of my brothers house and we share her care. She seems to think she is at the centre of a crime syndicate, there's an evil woman with 30 henchmen trying to kill her. I repeat she is safe but she begs me to give her a lift to get away from these people. She is inconsolable and clearly fears for her life. Help!
2. If UTI comes back negative, please consider having her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. There are meds that can help with paranoia. Your mother doesn't deserve to be in this terrible psychic pain.
Comfort your mom. Don't buy into her delusions but respect her fear, it's very real to her. Don't contradict her or try to talk her out of what she believes but let her know that she is safe where she is and that your family will not let anything happen to her.
It's an upsetting situation, I know.
There may not be much you can do to relieve her anxiety but maybe try one of these....
Get a button she can press and tell her that will set off a silent alarm that will notify police that someone is outside and the police will get there before anyone gets in.
Much like you would do for a child that fears "monsters" can you get a spray bottle and fill it with vinegar and water (that way it has an aroma if she smells it) and tell her it will mark anyone that tries to harm her so the police can find them.
Can you set up cameras that will detect motion, might be a good idea anyway, and tell her that you and your brother will be alerted if there is anyone that tries to get in. I probably would not tell her that you could watch her as this may intensify the paranoia.
Is it possible that she could have a dog? It would provide companionship as well as alert her if anyone tries to get in. Please do not do this if it means more work for you or your brother. But a companion animal can clam people in ways that other things can not.
Best wishes that you both have a better holiday season.
Also try some lavender oil. Not much. Either on her skin or in a diffuser.
Good luck.
When she got to be senior-aged, things changed. She developed paranoia and hallucinations that people were hiding just outside waiting to shoot her. Her physical health was clear, but she needed psychiatric care to assess the situation and get her on the appropriate medications. The right meds made a huge difference in her quality of life.
Consult with a geriatric physician about what drugs can be given to help with the delusions. Ask a lot of questions on drug interaction. Make sure any doctor your mother goes to, has a full list of drugs she is taking including over the counter drugs and vitamins.
Your mom is lucky to have you in her corner as her advocate. Get a lawyer to advise you on what steps to take so you are able to handle mom's affairs both health and legal.
When my DH was hallucinating, it turned out to be his Benedryl. Go figure, Benedryl makes seniors hallucinate.
Medications can be prescribed for this. I am not there yet, my mom is still able to function somewhat independently.
Have you read Atul Gawande's "On Being Mortal"?
A very wise geriatrician who was treating my mom gave us, as a family, some very good advice, which was that as a patient ages, you have to make "the least bad choice". And that quality of life is more important than longevity, for most of us.
Does you mom deserve to live in mortal fear? Does not THAT increase her risk of stroke, heart attack, chronic inflammation? What is THAT doing to her body?