My problem is FEAR. I am tense every waking minute knowing that at some point, he's going to get worse and worse. His mom lived to 93, and his physical health is good. We cannot afford to put him in a care facility - something he doesn't need yet anyway. I live in dread of the day when he changes so dramatically that I'll have to change diapers, etc. God. Our primary care physician is in the know but cannot offer much other than a low dose anti-depressant for me. She prescribed the meds for me and said, "You need these because things are going to get worse, a lot worse." I feel trapped and alone. This is our second marriage and his kids live thousands of miles away. I've informed them of his condition but the truth is his daily care is all on me. I care about him and it's doing a number on me. I checked into getting paid for being a caregiver and got nowhere. Any suggestions appreciated.
When you get to the point that you cannot care for your husband any longer, see an Elder Lawyer about splitting your marital assets. Your DHs split can then pay for his care. When its almost gone, you apply for Medicaid. If he is over the income cap, your State may allow a Qualifying Medicaid Trust. Once he is on Medicaid, you remain in the home, have a car and enough or all of your monthly income to live on. I am just giving u the basics. An Elder lawyer can give u more info.
When there is a second marriage involved anything can happen.
Read around this site you will see what I mean.
There is no real timeline, the progression can be quick or take years, so one must be prepared.
Sending support your way.
It was so freeing and therapeutic to be able to share with others who were also going through or had been through similar things and not feel judged or looked down on for what I was feeling or saying.
Then I would look for a local Adult Daycare Center in your area that you can take him to at least several days a week. They will serve him breakfast, lunch and a snack and keep him occupied with many great activities. And he can be there up to 8 hours a day and 5 days a week, which will give you time to do things that you need to and enjoy doing without him.
And yes there is a cost for the daycare but if money is an issue I know that they do offer some financial assistance with it.
Your husband will only continue to get worse that is a fact, so it's very important that you take good care of yourself so you can do and be your best for him.
Don't forget that you matter in this equation too, and that taking care of yourself is not being selfish as 40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia will die before the one they're caring for from stress related issues.
Please don't let that be you. So start today in finding things that bring you joy and that will make your life a little easier as you take this journey with your husband.
God bless you.
If your husband is a Veteran contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission. If you have any of his military info that would be great but it is not necessary. They can research and get the info needed. Some information might have been lost in the Military Records Fire in 1973 (all records were in a facility near St. Louis)
He may qualify for a little help or a LOT of help from the VA.
He may qualify for Aid and Attendance.
You may be able to get paid for caring for him.
He may qualify for some hours of caregivers.
The other thing you need to do is have a consultation with an Elder Care Attorney and make sure you are doing all you can to protect yourself and him. And that all the proper papers are done so that you can make the decisions you will need to make in the future.
You also need to find a good Support Group. Better if it is an in person one rather than on line. This Forum is great but talking to people that are going through what you are, or have gone through what you are going through is better than reading answers.
Contact the Alzheimer's Association this is a 24/7 number 800-272-3900
If there is an Adult Day Program near you get him involved in that. He may not want to go but it will give you a break, him a break and as he declines this will be important.
Look at the entire situation here. Facility care would help each of you cope in an extremely challenging and difficult situation.
These situations never improve and it’s so hard to deal with on your own.
Best wishes to both of you.