She has severe macular degeneration and has decided she does not want to leave her condo. She has no other physical issues. She has an aide during the day and when I don’t order any chocolate for her to have in the house she gets furious with the aides and very abusive to them. I am afraid they will quit. Her friends bring her chocolate even tho I ask them to stop. They say she is so old she should be able to do what she wants. All she does is sit in the sofa all day listening to the radio and is starting to have trouble standing up due to her weight. I don’t know what to do.
Dealing with depression can be difficult. Add in low vision and depression can be worse. You are depressed don't get out and become more depressed. Is there an Adult Day Care that she might be willing to go to? An active Senior Center? Both would get her out for a bit, usually 1/2 to 3/4 of the day. She would be out and socializing. If she does not have access to either would the aide be able to get her out for a bit each day even if it is out of her condo to the lobby or to the street corner, park just out for 15 minutes or so then try to increase the time out. ...Reward when she gets back a piece of candy.
I think I paid for the last bought of overindulgence, however. I got a bad case of gout in my big toe. Should that happen to your Mom, she might not get over the craving, but might be less anxious to satisfy it. I don't think it happens to everyone, but when it happened to me, I looked up possible causes. One listed was CHOCOLATE. I had just finished off a large bowl all by myself. Twice in a week.
Anyhow, I was going to suggest keeping boxes of chocolate pudding in her home, so that she doesn't run out. Don't know if the pudding is any better for her, healthwise, but here is what was said on HEALTHWISE.
"If you buy quality dark chocolate with a high cocoa content, then it is actually quite nutritious.
It contains a decent amount of soluble fiber and is loaded with minerals.
A 100-gram bar of dark chocolate with 70–85% cocoa contains
(1):
11 grams of fiber
67% of the RDI for iron
58% of the RDI for magnesium
89% of the RDI for copper
98% of the RDI for manganese
It also has plenty of potassium, phosphorus, zinc and selenium."
It is also loaded with powerful antioxidants.
Maybe her body is lacking some of these minerals, therefore the craving. I don't really see anything to worry about at her age. What does her doctor say?
"Chocolate: Cravings for chocolate may be a need for magnesium, and some people find they can satisfy the craving by eating magnesium-rich foods, such as almonds. If nothing but chocolate will do, opt for dark, milk-free chocolate that contains at least 70 percent cocoa."
I also read that it raises the level of dopamine and makes the person feel good. I understand your concern. Gaining weight at Moms age can cause problems. Her body is not used to the extra weight. I would ask her PCP to have lab work done. To see if magnesium or something else is causing the craving. If found not, then I guess your going to let her have her chocolate. But a sudden craving can be a sign of the body lacking something.
Whatever you do be gentle and subtle, in a woman her age the focus should be on the things that enhance quality of life and that bring her joy.
Come on folks. At 99, her days are limited. She's going to pass away NO MATTER what is done or not done here, let's face it. My cousin makes her uncle's life a torture chamber at 99 years old telling him what's 'healthy' and what's 'unhealthy'. He doesn't care. He takes Prilosec and enjoys his pepperoni pizza. That's how things should be, in my opinion.
Just my 2 cents
Macular degeneration isn't easy to deal with. My Mom [also in her 90's] had that. She could no longer read her favorite books, or watch football, golf, NASCAR, etc. [she loved sports]. She use to love to walk and do gardening, but since she could barely see, she had to stop doing those things. In fact, she couldn't even recognize me. So I fully understand what your Mom is dealing with.
My parents ate a lot of sweets, and I mean A LOT. But neither of them had any weight gain. So, as Golden23 had mentioned, I would be concerned with gaining 20 lbs in two months. Has your Mom been given any new prescription meds to take? Some can cause a weight gain. I put on weight because of that :(
Let her eat all the chocolate she wants. I know it is unimagiable thinking about your mother impending death -- but I can't imagine you are going to prolong her life by restricting her chocolate and weight gain.
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I agree with everyone else, let her eat it. The chance that she will be alive in another year is small (I've never met someone that was 100!).
Get her out and enjoying more in life, if you don’t have the time, have an aide do this. My grandmother had macular degeneration and we took her to the shopping mall in a wheelchair. She loved touching fabrics.
She may also enjoy aromatherapy and more human interaction.
As for her eye disease, there are many new adaptive technologies to assist those with Maculsr Defeneration. in my area, there is a Low Vision Center that helps those losing their sight find devices appropriate for their needs. Many of those patients have MD.
Try lots of different lights. Some with this degenerative eye disease can experience better perception with ambient light, others with bright “spot” light in near darkness.
Let her enjoy her chocolate and see if you can help her enjoy more of life along with it.
You might consider offering other sweets too. Most cakes and many cookies and pies are lower calorie wise than candies. My mother loves fruit too so bowls of grapes and strawberries as well as nectarines and bananas are good munchies. Strawberry short cake with an slice of angel food cake and ice cream covered with strawberries (frozen berries work very well) is delicious and filling.
Depending on where your mother's vision is, chocolates may also offer a food she can find and eat easily with her hands.
Before she was in assisted living she really liked her wine, and overdid it many times. Thank goodness, that has passed but she has now subbed in candy for her guilty pleasure. She also likes to independently be able to do some things for herself. So I make sure she has a bit of cash on hand to go to the ALF "store" where she can buy candy and cookies. Yesterday she bought $10 worth of candy. She has precious little left in her life so I am not going to say she can't have it. If your mom is 99 let her have it, weight gain be damned. She knows she hasn't much time left so finally she can indulge her whims.
How often do you visit? Perhaps when you go take her a little and let her know you will bring some again the next time. That way she may look forward to it and not get too cranky with her workers.
In the end remember that it is her body.
In moderation, chocolate is good for her. Seems she doesn't have moderation in this (neither do I) so ask the aides to ration it out - a little after meals... ask in 1 ounce. Maybe get chocolate dipping sauces and bowl of fresh fruit.
Heck! At 99 I say eat the chocolate 😀 but I see your point about mobility. How about: this is your block today. Have it all now or little bits throughout the day.