My sister is going over and checking on her and making her some meals but she keeps telling her neighbors that she is starving and has no money or food but she has so much food in her house that its piled up on the counter and the refrigerator is full of food. We are her only family and she is living in the condo that my mom lived in before she passed years ago. We don't have the means to support her or the right circumstances to have her live with us. She has an appointment with a doctor in June to review her mental state and then what? If there is a waiting list for living facilities what do you do? Aging services has not been very helpful.
If you don't pursue guardianship then the only other option is for the county to have guardianship and then they will place her in a facility that they choose and control everything, including ALL her assets, if she has any. You will still be able to carry on your relationship with her but the guardian will not share any medical or financial info with you. It's not adversarial, it's just that they will be acting on her behalf and not presuming anything about who needs to know what.
Would you say this is a gradual loss of ability - or is this a sudden change?
If she cannot reheat a meal, she really can't live alone & needs medical evaluation straight away. Advice the Doctor of this.
While it's admirable you & your sister wish to help, you are not abliged to pick up every task your Aunt is no longer able to do. It won't help her in the big picture - just wear yourselves out.
Observation will determine how well she can continue alone or if you need to start looking for a facility to find out more about empty beds. This will also help the doctor help you. The type of facility is going to depend on her finances and money available for her ongoing care. If she has very little, it may be the doctor just needs to refer her to nursing home placement where she will use her income and, perhaps, apply for Medicaid, too.
1. You step AWAY. That means you refuse to take the person home; you ask for Social Services and mental assessment. You ask for placement.
2. You continue, no matter what they say (and they will say a WHOLE LOT such as "We can make this work. We will get you help." The can't. And they won't.
Your aunt will end up a ward of the state and they will provide placement (which you will have NO SAY over) and handle her finances. OR you can get guardianship and do it all yourself. That is a court action if the person is already not mentally capable of appoint you POA.
This is the last drastic move when there really is not another answer. If you can find another answer, try that first, but I CAUTION you not to take the Aunt into your home and your care, nor should your sister. This will complicate things a lot. Be as supportive as you are able with visits and so on, working with social services to try to get placement near a place one of you can visit. Good luck.It is so sad that this is what it comes to in our system. Unfortunately, it is. I am 78. I am the FIRST to say we live too long.
I was in a similar situation.
My Aunt lives in Central California and I live in Montana. My youngest brother lives in Southern California.
Last October my Uncle passed away. I thought I was going to California to simply help my Aunt with funeral arrangements.
Long story short, My Aunt, we discovered has dementia. I am now responsible for her.
Has your Aunt assigned POA to anyone? If not, she needs to.
Keep in mind that if she already has a diagnosis of dementia etc, she can't legally sign anything. That means someone needs to obtain guardianship.
If you or your Aunt don't have the means to take care of her, Medicaid and Medicare my help.
There are numerous means for help.
Was her husband a veteran?
Any life insurance policies that have not been claimed or discovered? You might be surprised at what you can find with a little detective work.
Please feel free to message me if you have any questions!
She's blessed to have you!!
God bless!!
My dad signed one in the hospital at the time he was diagnosed and the hospital provided the notary and witnesses to his signature.
So depending on the actual state of an individual's awareness this can be done and it is completely legal.
If you don't have DPOA, financial authority or guardianship you can't DO anything. Can't help her use her funds to get her home help, can't make her move, can't sign any documents.
Tread carefully! I say this from one who stepped in to help but was mired in the quicksand - I had no authority to change the situation & get out. Xrayjodib can tell you too!
Instead, be an advocate for her. Speak up to a Doctor (or even APS) that she needs a review of needs.