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You would likely have to engage an elder law attorney, if the person who assigned the POA cannot, or will not, make the change. You'd have to have something to go on - some kind of history that the person with the POA can't be trusted, I would think, but I'm not an attorney. I'd urge you to contact one. Good luck, Carol
If there is anything that is telling your gut that your bother does not have your moms best interest at heart,(only her interest on her money) like my brother and sister did with my mom, go get a conserviturship, it over rides poa,period. Dont tell him. Get yourmom to her dr and tell her dr what is going on.Have her dr run tests on her to see if she is having a hard time in remembering things, check to see if there is food for her,when did she last have her eyes checked,teeth check,been to the dr for a check up. Look at her clothes,does she have what she needs? Is her bed right for her? Check things out in the house to see if your brother is doing anything that would make you think he is up to no good. Keep tract of everything and take pictures of the condition of the house and her room,clothes,food supplies. I went through this and I have to find the attorney now to help me file charges,I wouldn't want want anyone to go through what I have nor your mom.Hope you can get things taken care of for your moms sake and yours
Conservatorship -- or guardianship; the legal terms can mean diffrentr things in different places. Often a "conservatorship" gives control over a person's estate, while a "guardianship" gives legal control over a person's body. A competent attorney will help to sort it all out if you go that route, as well as give direction on how eggregious a relative's negligence must be for a POA to be over-ruled.
As the experts have said you should have an attorney to aid in your effort to challenge the POA. Unfortunately, there will be expense especially if you are able to find a competent attorney. If you can afford the best around, go with the best. You will have a nasty fight and be prepared to have your competency to be your mother's guardian. Advise you step back first and ask yourself is my brother really dishonest and insincere? Be as objective as you can be. Insincere is not all that bad. You need more than that. As far as dishonesty is concerned, you will have to have proof with documentation and witnesses with personal knowledge. Does your brother have past practices that you can use as illustrating dishonesty. If your mother gets on the witness stand, what will she say? Have you tried to resolve your concerns with your brother? That might be a long shot but what the heck and I would assume that at this point that approach has been tried and you were not met with success. Proof, proof and more proof will be your path to success. Don't say anything bad about your brother beyond: with him, your attorney, the Court, it could result in a civil case of defamation. I might venture a guess that your brother may have attempted to trash you in the eyes of your mother. One should not do that with a vulnerable adult. You can make someone with dementia say and believe just about anything through the power and ease of suggestion. You are going to get dirty, so, stock up on soap.
We had the same problem with my brother. We got a lawyer to send him a letter saying we were going to sue him if he did not give up POA and he did. Good luck. There were other issues to with him Hopefully you will get things taking care of.
I am going through the same thing. If your mom is coherent you can have her revoke any existing POA through an attorney. That is what we are doing. We are making my mom's brother her POA so it keeps it away from my sister and I and it will be in the best interest of my mom. If you have someone in the family other than your brother who is trustworthy to look out for your mom you might want to consider doing that. If she is incoherent or incapacitated in any way, you can get guardianship over her or also contact an elder care abuse facility in your state to ask what your options might be. If you know the date your brother took over POA you can make your own POA form and revoke him online through Legal Zoom as well and just get it notarized and it will be valid.
i have had the same thoughts- im not sure if i am ready for another battle-i am still emotionally and physically drained and he has the chk book-im so tired of fighting for what i know is right, the agency i have hated-and my brother kept defending, well he now is saying how incompetent they were- of course not ever acknowledging the fact that I was saying this for month- he just treated it as though i was the problem, and not the agency and their employees. so, as much as i want to do something about this, im not sure if i have the strenght emotional or physical to take on another battle. i still dont trust him or anything he says- but i am powerless to do anything right now- karma is good- whatever happens will be on him, at least mom and i settled many issues- and had some very close and almost spiritual moments- something he cannot understand- he tells me i am in denial- i think i have to suck it up- and i say let karma take its course- and visit her often-sorry for the rant-thanks for the post-karen
Rants are good. Let it out. My brother lost almost all mom's money so she is living on her ss only now. He has not came to see her in 10 yrs. And when we were trying to get her money back from him he said " You know I will always take care of her". Well after 10 yrs I think he is not going to take care of her. But at least we have POA now . Good luck and I hope things work out.
I would suggest getting your own eldercare law attorney to persue removing your brother from POA. If you are not comfortable doing it, or feel that is may cause hard feelings within your family, explore getting a conservatorship. Above all, you have to look out for your elderly family member.
If he isnt honest or sincere, is he taking good care of your Mom? Does he live with her? What about her health care proxy, is he in charge of that also, maybe that can be for you to get. Good luck, I am a POA but my siblings only visit a few hours a handful of times a year, therefore no right to question me. Its all usually about money , people worry about their share, sickening. Our parents dont owe an inheritence, its for their care # 1 .
i COULDNT AGREEWITH U MORE!! It is sickening. does he live with her?? Oh no, she isnt living with him, he has her in a nursing home., 4 hours away from where she has lived for 60 yrs, away from friends, that are important in helping her to remember various times in her life. and away from me- who has been with her the last 12 yrs-not living with her,but only a few blocks away.she had become very dependant on me- especialy since her parents and i were very close.after all- she has known me 60 yrs..i am the 1st born out of 3,and we have some history-(just a little levity(sp)) when had 24/7 care,with friends and me visiting thru out the week-,so that she was thinking and engaging with many friends. she had surgery 3 days after surgery- she was to leaveafter 2 but her leg got infected. what adds to this horrible situation, he managed to get my name taken off all documents- he has poa and whatever else he needed to make sure that my mom and i were far apart and that i wouldnt be able to participate in any way with her care. He was not so concerned in the past- and when some insurance policy kicked in-he only came about 1 x a monthfor maybe 2 or 3 hours. but he made sure i was excluded from being her advocate- or having any say so- the whole thing sucks- ive checked with elder lawyers,my lawyer,websights-alh.ass,mayo clin., and the sad truth is - he has made a little fortress around mom. thats a terrible thing to say- but it sure feels that way.so i am greiving-mourning-premourning- and meditating/praying- i know this is not going to last to long- i just wanted so much for her to be around people she knew and familiar things while she still remembered- as far as $ goes- i never planned on getting anything, but i did want to have a big part in her health care- i promised keep her home - she never wanted to leave-andi cant evendo that- this nursing home ,i neverwas there, nor checked itout-this wasplanned fromway back- that iswhat i think- he said it was very good- depends on what u want for your parent. I checked it out thru different sites,and city records. It gives very little one to one time, a doctor is not on the the facility but comes by a few times a week- she was needing 24 hourcare-she gets so afraid at nite- afraid shewill die- they probably have heron heavy meds- another thing i was fighting against- well, it is waht it is- i am getting very rundown from this- its so stupid- its only me andmy brother-why must it be such a battle of power-i thought we wanted the best for her- maybe we just differ too much on what is best- he likes nursing homes,short visits, i wanted her to be at home, and always with someone to help her and friends in andout- geeze- i really let myself go in this post--sorry- but u knowwhat- i feel a little better. thanks for beinghere, and for your concern-i am sending you a million hugggggs!Karen
Omg Karen, that is so sad. I also promised my Mom she wouldnt go in a nursing home. Every night I tell her she is safe with us and she says "really? oh that so nice, thank you." I feel so bad for your Mom alone there. HOw far away is she? Oh how sad. Unless your brother did a Trust 5 years ago, its likely the NH is taking her money a giving her poor care. So, why wont he let her be near you for great loving care! it makes no sense. I would want to be with her every night. You are so right, what a mess, I wish I could help!! luvmom
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Good luck,
Carol
battle-i am still emotionally and physically drained
and he has the chk book-im so tired of fighting for what i know
is right, the agency i have hated-and my brother kept defending,
well he now is saying how incompetent they were- of course not ever acknowledging the fact that I was saying this for month- he just treated
it as though i was the problem, and not the agency and their employees. so, as much as i want to do something about this, im not sure if i have the strenght emotional or physical to take on another battle.
i still dont trust him or anything he says- but i am powerless to do anything right now-
karma is good- whatever happens will be on him, at least mom and i settled many issues- and had some very close and almost spiritual moments- something he cannot understand- he tells me i am in denial-
i think i have to suck it up- and i say let karma take its course- and visit her often-sorry for the rant-thanks for the post-karen
It is sickening.
does he live with her??
Oh no, she isnt living with him, he has her in a nursing home.,
4 hours away from where she has lived for 60 yrs,
away from friends, that are important in helping her to remember various times in her life. and away from me- who has been with her the last 12 yrs-not living with her,but only a few blocks away.she had become very dependant on me- especialy since her parents and i were very close.after all- she has known me 60 yrs..i am the 1st born out of 3,and we have some history-(just a little levity(sp))
when had 24/7 care,with friends and me visiting thru out the week-,so that she was thinking and engaging with many friends.
she had surgery 3 days after surgery- she was to leaveafter 2 but her leg got infected. what adds to this horrible situation,
he managed to get my name taken off all documents-
he has poa and whatever else he needed to make sure
that my mom and i were far apart and that i wouldnt be able
to participate in any way with her care.
He was not so concerned in the past- and when some insurance policy kicked in-he only came about 1 x a monthfor maybe 2 or 3 hours. but he made sure i was excluded from
being her advocate- or having any say so-
the whole thing sucks-
ive checked with elder lawyers,my lawyer,websights-alh.ass,mayo clin., and the sad truth is - he has made a little
fortress around mom. thats a terrible thing to say- but it sure feels that way.so i am greiving-mourning-premourning-
and meditating/praying-
i know this is not going to last to long-
i just wanted so much for her to be around people she knew and familiar things while she still remembered-
as far as $ goes- i never planned on getting anything, but i did want to have a big part in her health care- i promised keep her home - she never wanted to leave-andi cant evendo that-
this nursing home ,i neverwas there, nor checked itout-this wasplanned fromway back- that iswhat i think-
he said it was very good- depends on what u want for your parent.
I checked it out thru different sites,and city records.
It gives very little one to one time, a doctor is not on the
the facility but comes by a few times a week-
she was needing 24 hourcare-she gets so afraid at nite- afraid shewill die- they probably have heron heavy meds- another thing i was fighting against- well, it is waht it is- i am getting very rundown from this- its so stupid- its only me andmy brother-why must it be such a battle of power-i thought we wanted the best for her- maybe we just differ too much on what is best-
he likes nursing homes,short visits, i wanted her to be at home, and always with someone to help her and friends in andout-
geeze- i really let myself go in this post--sorry-
but u knowwhat- i feel a little better.
thanks for beinghere, and for your concern-i am sending you a million hugggggs!Karen
luvmom