My brother has lived with my mom his whole life because he is not independent. She gave him POA last September. She had been diagnosed with Dementia 1 that spring. Then her phone disappeared last winter. Mom asked me last December to see me saying Randy needed a break. The day before she was due he canceled her visit. He did this last July. The last time I saw her in normal circumstances, I took them out to lunch in September when I was there, I live 3 plus hours away. I wanted to drive up on Christmas when he cancelled but he told me she wasn’t well anytime I suggested coming up. I talk to her her several times a week, usually 3 to 4 times and we have nice long visits. Or did.
He sold her house on 2/4and it is rented to back to them until 3/4. He has no forwarding address and plans to live on the road. My mom called me surprised on2/2 and told me my brother told her that she has 30 days to move. I was concerned he hadn’t told me. They had talked about moving. Mom wants to live in a house but my brother plans to buy an RV and live with her there. He had kept this a secret even upon direct asking after mom had called me. It was a private sale and not listed. I opened an APS case that now has its own life.
I drove up, it is a three hour drive to try to see my mom. They were in the living room but the drapes were closed and so I talked to my mom through the window. We both told each other we love each other. Then my brother came out and threatened my life and pointed a gun at me. After that I was going back to my car and I saw my mom walking with her cane around the side of the house to see me. We clung to each other, the police came it was a complete spectacle. The police said that with my brother being POA they could not interfere and it is a civil matter. Even though it is in her name, he can use lethal force because he lives there too.
I did update the APS case. They told me after they move my only recourse is to file a missing person’s report. I miss talking to my mom on the phone, our shared laughter and I fear I will never see her again. He plans to live with her on the road in an RV. I am sick.
However, I am so glad we had our time to hug and hold each other. I kept telling her how much I love her, stroking her face, kissing her and telling her every time I gardened I would think of her and that she would always be in my heart. I will always remember although he had pulled the door to keep her coming out to me that she went through the back door and around to see me. My heart is broken.
APS was simply telling me that if she wants to live in an RV she can. If my brother wants to buy and RV and she doesn’t mind, he can. It doesn’t really take into account the duress of living with him. It took a while but I got a referral from a family law firm that I called.
Once the order is filed and there is a hearing I will update.
The temporary orders signed today allow me access to my mom and require many things of my brother including he must temporarily relinquish his weapons. I need to wait until I know my brother has been served with the temporary orders and relinquishes his weapons before I can see my mom but this is such a good start.
Thank you all. I am relieved. He is not allowed to leave the state, block access to her etc. This is the best news I have had in just over two weeks. Newdawn
Do you plan to pursue guardianship, or is your Mom considered to be competent in her choice of her POA?
You say that "even though it is in her name" (the house) the authorities told you that he lives there and can ask you to leave. This confuses me because I thought that you told me in your last post that the brother had got POA, had SOLD the house, and that they were going on the road.
I am quite confused at how the authorities are handling this, and am wondering what I am missing in this.
I am very sorry for your grief in all this.
They did not seem to be concerned about my mom’s wishes. They heard dementia and did not seem to hear it is level one and she can still have capacity.
The police allowed a long goodbye but said since Randy is POA it is a civil matte. I updated APS and they told me they will physically visit before they move. They have a holiday on Monday and are to call me on Tuesday 2/22.
Even though it is Elder Abuse to isolate, it doesn’t seem like it is easy to prove.
In all my conversations, I have heard it is extremely difficult to get guardianship when their is a POA. APS was updated and said they will come out and interview her before she moves but they only give reports they are not an acting agency. No one can make sure that my mom gets to call me or see me.
As you can imagine I have a lot of nerves but am hopeful since the requests are reasonable. For those interested, there has been some movement in the USA regarding abuse of caregivers etc keeping family from elderly. Some states have passed statutes and there is a Kasey Kasem (sp?) website about this issue.
I will share the results of the hearing on this site.
For those that have mentioned a troll, I only wish this was a troll and my mom was safe and sound. It was mentioned on the post before the altercation on 2/16 where I created this post.
if you can, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers for the hearing period starting at 2 pm. Pacific time. Thanks, Newdawn
He threatens her with a gun when she tries to visit? Yes, I'd get APS and the courts involved. He's either mentally unstable, hiding some financial hanky-panky or both.
I do not understand the back off comments at all. Rather shortsighted!
I implore you to take either a friend or law enforcement with you when you visit mom. Brother is likely to be madder than a wet hen.
Was his gun confiscated?
The civil matter doesn't preclude issuance and prosecution of criminal charges.
And someone who threatens someone else isn't exhibiting the mental status required of caring for another person, especially an elder person.
You wrote: "Even though it is in her name, he can use lethal force because he lives there too." I question this. Lethal force is justified only in certain circumstances, such as being attacked and when one's life is challenged. The attempted legal force was apparently against you, and he would have to face charges for that.
He wasn't challenging a burglar, so legal force shouldn't even come into play in rationalization of his behavior.
In addition, your last paragraph infers your acceptance of his removal of your mother from her home. Why are you giving up so easily? I'd fight this; with his criminal activity, you could probably get a court to vitiate any POA authority he has, perhaps get guardianship for your mother, and take control away from him.
It is not acceptance, it has been sold and is no longer her asset once the rental agreement ends 3/4. It is legally binding.
I do have some calls end to elder lawyer but have not received a call back. I have heard guardian chances are slim.
When transferring to trusts or family members, the nominal $1.00 sale price can be used, though.
But I don't understand why it wouldn't be a necessity. Sale price information is used for tax calculations. I would think that at some point someone in the recorder's office will discover that the deed was improperly prepared.
Deeds in my experience always have a section indicating who prepared the deed. Check that out. It might even be that the brother prepared it, w/o knowing anything about real estate transactional law.
Also ask your attorney about this.
Also, I am allowed to ask for Law Enforcement Officer protection when I go to the home.
This is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I didn’t see another option when my brother wouldn’t talk to me, let my mom talk to me and then used violence when I came by as planned. My things were on the lawn. I just couldn’t bear imagining my mom trying to get around in an RV and getting up and down the steps with her cane. I need to know she is somewhere safe and can have some stability in her life.
I still don’t know the final outcome. We will set a final hearing date in March that allows my brother and mother to appear. I am concerned about what he will tell my mom once they are served. I do think this will be upsetting to her. She feels quite independent and I think it will be hard for her to be considered a Vulnerable Adult.
Thank you for the questions and concern. Will update post when there is news. Newdawn