My cousin currently has our other aunt who doesn't live far, come over to prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner along with giving meds, once in the morning and once in the evening. She doesn't stay all day as she lives close enough to come back prior to dinner and her pm meds. My cousins concern is that her mom is left alone often and wants someone to be there majority of the day. Recently she asked me if I wanted to move in since I am currently in the process of looking for a place to live as my lease is up here. She said she would compensate me by allowing me to take up one of the bedrooms (rent free) and pay me $2,300.00 which $300 would be for me to buy the food for her mother. Well, I must mention that my husband also has dementia and I already am caring for him. No big deal. Now her offer also seems like a good idea as I wouldn't have to pay rent and will be able to save money.
Now, recently she called me saying that after speaking with her husband, he advised her that giving me free room and board + paying me a salary to care for her mother who has dementia is ridiculous. She said she will not be able to pay me any amount as the free rent should be enough. I expressed that with the $2300.00 if I used that to find my own place would get me a better place then this little bedroom I am being given.
The problem I am having right now besides the pay issue is that she pops this to me when I only now have 30 days from having to leave my current residence. Almost as if she planned it for me to have no options but to except her offer. I told her if I didn't take the job, she would have to pay someone else to watch her mom. She is a loud talker and will not hear anything I have to say. Except to tell me that I don't need to take the offer if am having a problem with it.
So should I accept this offer of watching her mom and moving into this little bedroom with my husband and no compensation for the care of her mom except free room and board. Which really I still would be saving money with not paying rent but, is it right of her to do this or should I just hurry and find another place to live.
Isn't there a law about live-in caregivers? Any advise anyone can give me would greatly be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Carolyn
Dementia is A BIG DEAL. And you want to take on two people? You have no idea what you are getting into. Research TEEPA SNOW's website - she is the country's leading expert on dementia. You need to educate yourself on what this means - in terms of progression, brain chemistry, behavior.
You are considering taking on more than you can imagine.
And once you are in there and find out what is involved, what will you do?
Move again? With a husband with dementia?
Offer to visit 1-2 hours several times a week.
Be clear on your time boundaries / limitations.
Do not offer an open-ended schedule.
* You ask us about live-in caregivers/laws. I question why you haven't researched this yourself already? [I am not picking on you although] I am inquiring as these are the types of things you need to be able to consider and research before you make any decisions - that you may / will regret down the road.
* Contact a tax attorney or elder care attorney re: the financial component.
A 'live-in' caregiver is considered, legally and tax-wise, an employee.
This could get very messy / complicated.
* "If" you do decide to move in, get a year's pay in advance and into your account. I would never ever rely on / expect that things will go smoothly and that you can depend on the income offered.
AND GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING. THIS NEEDS TO BE A CONTRACT.
* With issues already expressed that 'she doesn't listen' and is loud ... any arguments, misunderstandings or anger for whatever reason, the financial 'agreement' is out the window. And more grief awaits you on a red carpet.
* You do not want to leave yourself stuck. This is a 'stuck situation' waiting to happen.
You 'may' end up 'not paying rent,' although you will pay with your life - exhaustion and no end to it. And perhaps worse, feeling like you are having a breakdown.
You have enough on your plate. Do not do it.
Gena / Touch Matters
Maybe see a social worker for yourself—they can maybe help you with a plan going forward; there might be good financial support for you and your husband that you don’t know about. Don’t get involved with people who feel very free to take advantage of your difficult situation.
Free room and board is not considered compensation. Life, existence, costs money. And this is no ordinary job. Your aunt's condition will not improve and the level of care will only increase. In my opinion I wouldn't care how much money I saved if I was too exhausted to spend any of it when I was done.
Anybody who screamed me down with, "I cannot pay you anything," would get a resounding, "Then I wish you well," and a hung up phone.
Best of luck. Put you and your husband first. I think you'll be glad you did.
the local staffing agency charges us $350 per day for 24/7 care - caregiver is entitled to 3 hours off for meals and 5-8 hours sleep that are unpaid.
this comes to $25-30 per hour worked.
Medicaid will allow for reimbursement of family care giver if qualified.
As a direct hire, $300 per day would be the rate in my area. ($29/h)