My dad lost his wife, mother last December. Since then, his memory has faded dramatically.My dad was in the services, however, I guess the timeline does not match up for being in Korea (he was there during peaceful time, not war time). So the VA benefit for assisted living, he does not qualify for. His pension is $2400 a month, so he doesn't qualify for medicaid. I am at my wits end. He is destroying my home, I never know what I am coming home to. I work full time and then have to come home to what he's done to the house. I make his meals up ahead of time, I have tried to get help, but I need to go through all of these hoops to get there (I am still working on it). Our dept of aging has a voicemail that says "We are at capacity, call us again on November 1." (I called in September, they had the same message for October). I cannot get any help, I am crying all the time, I am emotionally and physically exhausted. He needs to be somewhere where they can watch him and keep an eye on him. Its just me, nobody else and I don't have a choice but to leave him alone. I had to ship my dog off to my daughter because he fed the dog laundry detergent and she was so sick. I am doing the best that I can and it is just not good enough at this point. I'm a mess.
Please contact the Veterans Assistance Commission or your States Department of Veterans Affairs. Either can also help determine if he qualifies for any other benefits or services. The VA is constantly changing the conditions that may qualify someone.
Is there an Adult Day Program where you are? If so get dad in that. It would get him out of the house a few days a week.
Your dad can not be left alone at all.
Is there a Senior Service Center that you can contact? They may have options.
A bit of an expense but you do need to see an Elder Care Attorney.
Do you have all the paperwork you need in order to make decision for your dad for his health and financial affairs?
Local council on aging is also a great resource. Depending on your state, he may qualify for medicaid. Lawyer can set up a trust to help them qualify. Make sure you have 5 years of look back in the financial aspect. Make sure you have not co-mingled your finances. That complicates the lookback and raises the qualifying aspects.
Another option would be for you to call APS, not the dept. of Aging. Tell APS your father is endangered, not that you are neglecting him on purpose, but you have to work and can't be with him all of the time. APS will come out, and if they come out and see he shouldn't be alone, they will take action. Please don't worry about getting in trouble, it is not your fault.
A third option (but this may not be suitable depending on father's medical condition) would be to send him to the ER. This is what I did, I was in basically the exact same situation, my father had Parkinsons, and it progressed to the point of him not being able to be alone anymore. The problem was, I had to work to pay the bills, and we couldn't afford to pay in home help. What I did was I had him transported to the ER (I told 911 he was acting funny, trying to leave and I was frightened), and they held him until they found a place for him. They didn't send him back home because I told them I couldn't be there because of job responsibilities, and the obviously know it would be an unsafe situation.
If you need immediate help, I recommend option 2 or 3
They are individual to each state as to how they work and how to get Dad on Medicaid. He will of course ALSO have to spend down his cash assets in care. If he has some cash assets this will likely be even better because he will start for a short time private pay and they will want to keep him.
I would see an Elder Law Attorney and find out what your options are. Your Dad's SS may go into a Miller Trust while his pension goes all to the Nursing Home with the rest of their monthly cost being picked up by Medicaid. He would need to qualify for placement, of course. Then the Miller Trust collects all his SS. That money would be subject to clawback or recovery at dad's death by either Nursing Home or by the State.
From what you say your father may not be safe to be allowed at home. If you cannot take care of these things, cannot function to do this, cannot lose your job, then I would call APS and ask about their options for your next steps.
Sorry, so many in such quandaries and not knowing what to do. I do believe you are correct that not having served combat makes this harder to get any VA benefits. This would have been the case with my brother as well. But check that out with a VA counselor to be VERY CERTAIN.
Good luck. Hope you'll update us.
Yes, I do have all paperwork in order. We are in the middle of getting verified through the VA however the amount of identifying yourself is ridiculous. We are now awaiting a letter to come in the mail with a code to finish the verification process for VA.gov.
I had to take 3 days of pto just to make all of these phone calls and visits to places just to find out he doesn't qualify. I am just so frustrated with this process. I also realized I need to make sure my own kids never have to go through this. I have no idea about adult day program. Like I said prior, I am not getting anywhere with aging care.
I am drained.
It's worth a try as you do seem desperate.. I'd start by calling a local community college and seeing if it has a vets' center. If no, then try the next level up, a state 4 year college, etc. Good luck!