He has been dealing with Parkinson's for over 10 years, and I believe he has Dementia with Parkinson's as well. He has an aide with him 12 hours a day. One of the aides is very good with him, but he has aggressive outbursts with her. He acts out and wants to do things that are dangerous for him, and when she tries to help him, he tries to hit her or yells at her. She is very experienced dealing with dementia patients, but this is not my dad. I don't know how to help him. He lives in an Assisted Living Facility, and they have specialized care to help, but he refuses it. He is angry because he can't walk around and wants to get a hip replacement, but he is not a candidate for it. He has been going through these invasive tests I don't feel are right for him. I am trying to keep him in a routine as calmly as possible, but he fights against me all the time.
How can I get him to calm down and not be so aggressive?
By the way, are you sure he’s not a good candidate for hip replacement? You’re right, an operation is a big risk - but not being able to walk is terrible (depressing; can lead to a low quality of life).
A family friend had a hip replacement at age 94 (after a fall). Very luckily it went well. She can walk now.
It takes weeks (physio) to recover from the operation, but it can be done. Of course, there are risks, so indeed sometimes it’s better to avoid surgery.
There are different degrees of dementia. It sounds like your Dad’s still mentally competent, otherwise you wouldn’t say: you “think” he has dementia. If he’s competent, and if he wants a hip replacement…
Well, what do you think OP? Maybe investigate a bit more, about whether it’s possible? Whether it’s a good idea?
The aim is not to live as long as possible. But as happily as one can. If one is miserable because one can’t walk around: sometimes there are solutions…
But I understand, an operation is a risk…but maybe your Dad prefers to take the risk. It’s his body, his life; he’s the one who has to live unhappily right now, with not being able to walk.
Ask his doctor to put him on medication for the aggression and violent outburts. That might be all that he needs.
You need to get Dad to his doctor and have tests taken. I would bet there is some Dementia because it goes hand in hand with Parkinson's which is a neurological problem. Like said he may need meds adjusted or a new one indroduced.
I too agree that he maybe passed what an AL can do for him, even MC. Neither are skilled nursing facilities. You Dad will need more care as Parkinsons continues to deteriorate him.
Some people here will say 'oh sure, keep him DOPED UP' which is not the goal; the goal is to keep him CALM and relaxed, as we would want for ourselves in the same situation. Please speak to dad's doctor about what's going on and to get a prescription written for him. My mother was super angry about a wide variety of subjects when her dementia was advanced, being wheelchair bound was one. The Ativan took the edge off to the point where she was able to smile again and to interact with me and her caregivers in a pleasant and amicable way. THAT is the goal here. Being aggressive and angry is not a good state of mind for your dad to be in, let's face it.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. It's very hard to see our parents like this, I know, and my heart goes out to you. I went through it for quite a while with my mother and it's heartbreaking.
This is also dangerous to a caregiver - the lashing out.
Of course he will 'fight against' you. His brain cannot process or make the decisions necessary. He is frightened, angry.
You must make these decisions for him - for his safety and welfare.
Educate yourself (Teepa Snow website) re aggression. It is not something you can easily or necessarily 'fix' by trying to calm him down. He may need medication. You need to speak to medical professions. Immediately. Do not wait until somethng happens. Gena
Parkinsons disease often includes dementia in many patients, with hallucinations that are often paranoid in content. Lewy body dementia is hard to treat with drugs, as many of them seem to make symptoms worse instead of better.
Your dad may have some recollection that he acted badly towards others, including his caregiver. There can be some shame around this. And even a great
aide can get burned out after a while. A neurology workup and a geriatric psychiatrist are needed to figure out what is going on...and get a plan.