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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I know you've probably sacrificed a lot over the years to keep your daughter home with you but unfortunately there comes a time when her needs become greater than you can handle and you need to consider other living arrangements - I don't know whether that time is now because I don't know your ages, health conditions or how capable your husband is of defending himself.
Does Kelly have a therapist or even a neurologist? If not, you may want to ask her primary physician for a referral to one.
Tendencies toward violence are serious issues. I’ve known DD people who can be very strong and determined. If they are challenged or diverted from what they want to do, they can use physical force to get what they want. When I was a youngster, I almost had my arm broken when I tried to get away from a large, strong girl who had mental challenges. The fact that Kelly now also has dementia has the potential to make her very dangerous, especially as you age and your reaction times slow down.
We want to protect our children and we feel that, when they have special needs, we must be responsible for their care all their lives no matter what. My challenged sister-in-law was lucky her older sister agreed to take her in when their parents passed, but not every family has that option. It’s a devastating and heartbreaking decision to find alternative living arrangements for a loved one. But, sometimes, it’s just the best option. It’s my fear that as Kelly’s dementia progresses, she will be more and more unpredictable. She could cause your husband serious injury.
With Dementia it will be harder to try to explain to her why she can't do what she does. Maybe a medication will help. Or like said, it maybe time to find a group home or somewhere she can be cared for. This will only worsen as the desease progresses.
I understand your resistance to placing your daughter in an alternative living situation.
But surely you know that one day that decision will need to be made. It is very unlikely that as you age - you’ll be able to care for your daughter in your home until the day one of your passes.
Have you given any thought as to a plan for when that day comes? Even if that day isn’t now - but further in the future?
Absolutely excellent answer, Rainmom! And my thoughts exactly. My in-laws told their oldest daughter and her fiancé they would be responsible for Donna decades before that became a reality. They set up a Trust for her so she could “pay her way”. When my in-laws passed, the transition was as smooth as glass for Donna to live with her sister. Actually, Donna moved in before in-laws passed because both of them lived in a facility for at least 3 years.
Kelly, this is a heart breaking decision. Where I live, there used to be really good large institutions that gave the residents quite a lot of freedom. One was on several acres of beach front land. They were all closed when the theories changed (quite incidentally to something cheaper), and parents were left with no freedom themselves. A mother told me bitterly “the only thing that stayed the same was that we didn’t have any choice”. When parents are younger, they usually think in terms of ‘while we are both still alive’. It’s worth planning now for ‘when we can’t cope’ because of ageing or illness. Best wishes and sympathy to the three of you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Tendencies toward violence are serious issues. I’ve known DD people who can be very strong and determined. If they are challenged or diverted from what they want to do, they can use physical force to get what they want. When I was a youngster, I almost had my arm broken when I tried to get away from a large, strong girl who had mental challenges. The fact that Kelly now also has dementia has the potential to make her very dangerous, especially as you age and your reaction times slow down.
We want to protect our children and we feel that, when they have special needs, we must be responsible for their care all their lives no matter what. My challenged sister-in-law was lucky her older sister agreed to take her in when their parents passed, but not every family has that option. It’s a devastating and heartbreaking decision to find alternative living arrangements for a loved one. But, sometimes, it’s just the best option. It’s my fear that as Kelly’s dementia progresses, she will be more and more unpredictable. She could cause your husband serious injury.
But surely you know that one day that decision will need to be made. It is very unlikely that as you age - you’ll be able to care for your daughter in your home until the day one of your passes.
Have you given any thought as to a plan for when that day comes? Even if that day isn’t now - but further in the future?
Is your daughter an only child?