He has no insurance. He has no way of paying for a nursing home or even to see a doctor. My brother and I cannot care for him as we are financially unable. What do we do? He’s only 58. Dementia is likely but has not been diagnosed. He has a history of heavy drinking.
My Dad used to go to his sister's house, feet all torn up and bloody. He'd walk from City to city, county to county!
His sister would always make sure he had good shoes and socks. But he'd show up bare foot and bleeding every time. Which was every fews months or so.
Turns out he'd give his shoes to other homeless, shoeless guys. He seriously said, someone is always worse off then him. 🙄
We’ve been trying to do so many different things to get him medical care but have hit road blocks. If my mom took him in we could have more time but she’s really not liking the idea and will probably not allow it. He can’t live with either one of us either due to no room or our spouses oppose it.
Please don't put this on your Mom. Mine would have killed him in his sleep...lol...not kidding.
I’m in Missouri and there is a hotline. My concern is that we would be in trouble for not caring for him. We’ve been trying but keep hitting road blocks. He’s been homeless or living with other people for years. I’ve not had contact with him other than by phone. I urged him to seek help 4 years ago but he never did. I was living 200 miles away with out a way to get to him. Now he’s living in the same area at a home provided by his former boss. I don’t want to get them in any trouble either. Everyone’s been trying to get things organized but it’s just not working. This person has decided they can no longer help, so he’s going to be homeless in 2 weeks.
You can also reach out to the local police and ask them to keep your involvement private.
Absolutely call APS. Don’t stew over it any longer. You need to act now. And no matter what, don’t let them force you to take him in, even with home health care promised. I can hear through your words that you care about him and you will feel guilty if you don’t get him help and something happens.
However, you are helping.,.you are calling for help now. That's the best you can do. The reality is none of you, family nor friends, has the means or ablity to assume his care.
Don't let that stop you from calling. That would be selfish. It would mean your concern for yourself is greater then your concern for him.
No one will fault you nor judge you, for letting him do his own thing for all these years. Again, he has the right to make bad life choices.
Make the call, you will sleep so much better.
APS is there for a reason, and they can suggestion options. Let them help you through this.
I would have suggested a conference with an elder law attorney, but that would cost you, and APS is free.
Give yourself a break from the stress and anxiety and let an agency supposed to be skilled in intervention provide some assistance for you.
And DON'T let them tell you that he's YOUR responsibility. Sometimes social workers try to guilt families into taking elders home when it's quite clear that the elder needs a higher level of care.
Don't be intimidated.
I’m happy he’s safe and getting treated.
My friend passed at the age of 54 after years of drinking and alcoholism.
You need to take care of yourself first.
I don't know anything about ammonia. (except never mix it with bleach) 😉smile! At least the hardest part is over!!
Keep updating if it helps you. This is your site too!🤗
The found the ammonia levels. It still doesn’t rule out dementia though. The levels need to be brought down to see if these memory issues alleviate. Since he has had so many issues with homelessness and unable to hold jobs in the past, he has nothing. Financially my brother and I can’t help much. I hope we can get him on disability, Medicaid, etc so he can get care he needs. I feel horrible that I can’t help financially. Just a few weeks in a nursing home or specialist doctor visits would put us under. Same with my brother. I’m not even sure how this er visit will be paid. Any thoughts?
Neither you nor your brother is legally responsible for your dad. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Most likely, the state will step in and appoint a public guardian. And apply for Medicaid for him. Don't sign yourself as financially responsible for his medical bills.
If the social worker dept tries to guilt you into signing something by saying " you don't want the state to take guardianship, do you?", you say "Yes, that's Exactly what I want to happen". Explain this to your brother as well.
Congrats on your new baby!
Keep us updated.🤗🌹
Just leave him there. THAT WILL EXPEDITE MEDICAID. Tell your brother he is wrong. Make sure Mom does NOT offer to take him. That will be a huge problem for everyone.
You yourself call the Social Services Dept of the hospital. Tell them you want his case worker. She will explain what's going on, stop listening to your brother!
You tell her, he has nowhere to live. She will put your mind at rest.
In my experience, some religious hospitals are Hill Burton hospitals.
As to the next placement, please heed the advice you've been given and don't participate in arrangements for your mother to care for him. At this stage of his life, with his medical complications from alcoholism, it would be too overwhelming for her, physically, and emotionally.
Your brother thinks your father needs to live with someone; has brother volunteered? If not, ask him why not.
And, in all fairness, it's inappropriate for your mother to have to care for someone who hasn't taken care of himself. I don't mean to be cruel, but that fact has to be considered.
Is your father still drinking, and if so, how would your mother adapt to this? It's unfair to her to burden her with the complications of lifelong self neglect. Her health would soon be at risk as well.
Let the state handle it. From the history you've written, no one else really is prepared to take on this monumental task.